Jacob Faithful | Page 8

they turned away from this awful specimen of the effects
of habitual intoxication. For many days did the exhibition continue,
during which time I was domiciled with the cook, who employed me in
scouring her saucepans, and any other employment in which my
slender services might be useful, little thinking at the time that my poor
mother was holding her levee for my advantage. On the eleventh day
the exhibition was closed, and I was summoned upstairs by the
proprietor, whom I found in company with a little gentleman in black.

This was a surgeon who had offered a sum of money for my mother's
remains, bed and curtains, in a lot. The proprietor was willing to get rid
of them in so advantageous a manner, but did not conceive that he was
justified in taking this step, although for my benefit, without first
consulting me, as heir-at-law.
"Jacob," said he, "this gentleman offers 20 pounds, which is a great
deal of money, for the ashes of your poor mother. Have you any
objection to let him have them?"
"What do you want 'em for?" inquired I.
"I wish to keep them, and take great care of them," answered he.
"Well," replied I, after a little consideration, "if you'll take care of the
old woman, you may have her,"--and the bargain was concluded.
Singular that the first bargain I ever made in my life should be that of
selling my own mother. The proceeds of the exhibition and sale
amounted to 47 pounds odd, which the worthy proprietor of the lighter,
after deducting for a suit of clothes, laid up for my use. Thus ends the
history of my mother's remains, which proved more valuable to me
than ever she did when living. In her career she somewhat reversed the
case of Semele, who was first visited in a shower of gold, and
eventually perished in the fiery embraces of the god: whereas my poor
mother perished first by the same element, and the shower of gold
descended to her only son. But this is easily explained. Semele was
very lovely and did not drink gin--my mother was her complete
antithesis.
When I was summoned to my master's presence to arrange the contract
with the surgeon, I had taken off the waistcoat which I wore as a
garment over all, that I might be more at my ease in chopping some
wood for the cook, and the servant led me up at once, without giving
me time to put it on. After I had given my consent, I turned away to go
downstairs again, when having, as I before observed, no seat to my
trousers, the solution of continuity was observed by a little spaniel, who
jumped from the sofa, and arriving at a certain distance, stood at bay,
and barked most furiously at the exposure. He had been bred among

respectable people, and had never seen such an expose. Mr Drummond,
the proprietor, observed the defect pointed out by the dog, and
forthwith I was ordered to be suited with a new suit--certainly not
before they were required. In twenty-four hours I was thrust into a new
garment by a bandy-legged tailor, assisted by my friend the cook, and
turn or twist whichever way I pleased, decency was never violated. A
new suit of clothes is generally an object of ambition, and flatters the
vanity of young and old; but with me it was far otherwise. Encumbered
with my novel apparel, I experienced at once feelings of restraint and
sorrow. My shoes hurt me, my worsted stockings irritated the skin, and
as I had been accustomed to hereditarily succeed to my father's cast-off
skins, which were a world too wide for my shanks, having but few
ideas, it appeared to me as if I had swelled out to the size of the clothes
which I had been accustomed to wear, not that they had been reduced
to my dimensions. I fancied myself a man, but was very much
embarrassed with my manhood. Every step that I took I felt as if I was
checked back by strings. I could not swing my arms as I was wont to do,
and tottered in my shoes like a rickety child. My old apparel had been
consigned to the dust-hole by cook, and often during the day would I
pass, casting a longing eye at it, wishing that I dare recover it, and
exchange it for that which I wore. I knew the value of it, and, like the
magician in Aladdin's tale, would have offered new lamps for old ones,
cheerfully submitting to ridicule, that I might have repossessed my
treasure.
With the kitchen and its apparatus I was now quite at home: but at
every other part of the house and furniture