Jacob Faithful | Page 7

impression on her. I not only beheld, but I devoured, such
things as never before entered into my mouth or my imagination. Grief
had not taken away my appetite. I stopped occasionally to cry a little,
wiped my eyes, and sat down again. It was more than two hours before
I laid down my knife, and not until strong symptoms of suffocation
played round the regions of my trachea did I cry out, "Hold, enough."
Somebody has made an epigram about the vast ideas which a miser's
horse must have had of corn. I doubt, if such ideas were existent,
whether they were at all equal to my astonishment at a leg of mutton. I
never had seen such a piece of meat before, and wondered if it were
fresh or otherwise. After such reflection I naturally felt inclined to sleep;
in a few minutes I was snoring upon two chairs, cook having covered
me up with her apron to keep away the flies. Thus was I fairly
embarked upon a new element to me--my mother earth; and it may be
just as well to examine now into the capital I possessed for my novel
enterprise. In person I was well-looking; I was well-made, strong, and
active. Of my habiliments the less said the better; I had a pair of
trousers with no seat to them; but this defect, when I stood up, was hid
by my jacket, composed of an old waistcoat of my father's, which
reached down as low as the morning frocks worn in those days. A shirt
of coarse duck, and a fur cap, which was as rough and ragged as if it
had been the hide of a cat pulled to pieces by dogs, completed my attire.
Shoes and stockings I had none; these supernumerary appendages had
never confined the action of my feet. My mental acquisitions were not
much more valuable; they consisted of a tolerable knowledge of the
depth of water, names of points and reaches in the River Thames, all of
which was not very available on dry land--of a few hieroglyphics of my
father's, which, as the crier says sometimes, winding up his oration,
were of "no use to nobody but the owner." Add to the above the three
favourite maxims of my taciturn father, which were indelibly imprinted
upon my memory, and you have the whole inventory of my
stock-in-trade. These three maxims were, I may say, incorporated into
my very system, so continually had they been quoted to me during my
life; and before I went to sleep that night they were again conned over.
"What's done can't be helped," consoled me for the mishaps of my life;
"Better luck next time," made me look forward with hope and, "Take it
coolly," was a subject of great reflection, until I feel into a deep sleep;

for I had sufficient penetration to observe that my father had lost his
life by not adhering to his own principles; and this perception only
rendered my belief in the infallibility of these maxims to be even still
more steadfast.
I have stated what was my father's legacy, and the reader will suppose
that from the maternal side the acquisition was nil. Directly such was
the case, but indirectly she proved a very good mother to me, and that
was by the very extraordinary way in which she had quitted the world.
Had she met with a common death, she would have been worth nothing.
Burke himself would not have been able to dispose of her; but dying as
she did, her ashes were the source of wealth. The bed, with her remains
lying in the centre, even the curtains of the bed, were all brought on
shore, and locked up in an outhouse. The coroner came down in a
post-chaise and four, charged to the country; the jury was empanelled,
my evidence was taken, surgeons and apothecaries attended from far
and near to give their opinions, and after much examination, much
arguing, and much disagreement, the verdict was brought in that she
died through "the visitation of God." As this, in other phraseology,
implies that "God only knows how she died," it was agreed to nemine
contradicente, and gave universal satisfaction. But the extraordinary
circumstance was spread everywhere, with all due amplifications, and
thousands flocked to the wharfinger's yard to witness the effects of
spontaneous combustion. The proprietor immediately perceived that he
could avail himself of the public curiosity to my advantage. A plate,
with some silver and gold, was placed at the foot of my poor mother's
flock mattress, with, "For the benefit of the orphan," in capital text,
placarded above it; and many were the shillings, half-crowns, and even
larger sums which were dropped into it by the spectators, who
shuddered as