Hudibras | Page 9

last does coincidere;)
Quantum in nobis, have thought
good,
To save th' expence of Christian blood,
And try if we, by
mediation
Of treaty and accommodation, 730 Can end the quarrel and
compose
The bloody duel without blows.
Are not our liberties, our
lives,
The laws, religion and our wives,
Enough at once to lie at
stake 735 For Cov'nant and the Cause's sake?
But in that quarrel dogs
and bears,
As well as we must venture theirs
This feud, by Jesuits
invented,
By evil counsel is fomented: 740 There is a
MACHIAVILIAN plot,
(Tho' ev'ry Nare olfact is not,)
A deep
design in't, to divide
The well-affected that confide,
By setting
brother against brother, 745 To claw and curry one another.
Have we
not enemies plus satis,
That Cane & Angue pejus hate us?
And
shall we turn our fangs and claws
Upon our own selves, without
cause? 750 That some occult design doth lie
In bloody
cynarctomachy,
Is plain enough to him that knows
How Saints lead
brothers by the nose.
I wish myself a pseudo-prophet, 755 But sure
some mischief will come of it;
Unless by providential wit,
Or force,
we averruncate it.
For what design, what interest,
Can beast
have to encounter beast? 760 They fight for no espoused cause,
Frail
privilege, fundamental laws,

Not for a thorough reformation,
Nor
covenant, nor protestation,
Nor liberty of consciences, 765 Nor Lords
and Commons ordinances;
Nor for the church, nor for church-lands,

To get them in their own no hands;
Nor evil counsellors to bring

To justice that seduce the King; 770 Nor for the worship of us men,

Though we have done as much for them.
Th' AEgyptians worshipp'd

dogs, and for
Their faith made internecine war.
Others ador'd a rat,
and some 775 For that church suffer'd martyrdom.
The Indians
fought for the truth
Of th' elephant and monkey's tooth,
And many,
to defend that faith,
Fought it out mordicus to death. 780 But no beast
ever was so slight,
For man, as for his God, to fight.
They have
more wit, alas! and know
Themselves and us better than so.
But we,
who only do infuse 785 The rage in them like Boute-feus;
'Tis
our example that instils
In them th' infection of our ills.
For, as
some late philosophers.
Have well observ'd, beasts, that converse 790
With man, take after him, as hogs
Get pigs all the year, and bitches
dogs.
Just so, by our example, cattle
Learn to give one another
battle.
We read, in NERO's time, the heathen, 795 When they
destroy'd the Christian brethren,
Did sew them in the skins of bears,

And then set dogs about their ears:
From thence, no doubt, th'
invention came
Of this lewd antichristian game. 800
To this, quoth RALPHO, Verily
The point seems very plain to me.

It is an antichristian game,
Unlawful both in thing and name.
First,
for the name: the word, bear-baiting 805 Is carnal, and of man's
creating:
For certainly there's no such word
In all the scripture on
record;
Therefore unlawful, and a sin;
And so is (secondly) the
thing. 810 A vile assembly 'tis, that can
No more be prov'd by
scripture than
Provincial, classic, national;
Mere human-creature
cobwebs all.
Thirdly, it is idolatrous; 815 For when men run a
whoring thus
With their inventions, whatsoe'er
The thing be,
whether dog or bear,
It is idolatrous and pagan,
No less than
worshipping of DAGON. 820
Quoth HUDIBRAS, I smell a rat;

RALPHO, thou dost prevaricate:

For though the thesis which thou lay'st
Be true ad amussim, as thou
say'st;
(For that bear-baiting should appear 825 Jure divino lawfuller

Than synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis; so do I;)
Yet
there's a fallacy in this;
For if by sly HOMAEOSIS, 830 Tussis pro

crepitu, an art
Under a cough to slur a f--t
Thou wou'dst
sophistically imply,
Both are unlawful, I deny.
And I (quoth RALPHO) do not doubt 835 But bear-baiting may be
made out,
In gospel-times, as lawful as is
Provincial or parochial
classis;
And that both are so near of kin,
And like in all, as well as
sin, 840 That put them in a bag, and shake 'em,
Yourself o' th' sudden
would mistake 'em,
And not know which is which, unless
You
measure by their wickedness:
For 'tis not hard t'imagine whether 845
O' th' two is worst; tho' I name neither.
Quoth HUDIBRAS, Thou offer'st much,
But art not able to keep
touch.
Mira de lente, as 'tis i' th' adage,
Id est, to make a leek a
cabbage; 850 Thou'lt be at best but such a bull,
Or shear-swine, all
cry, and no wool;
For what can synods have at all
With bear that's
analogical?
Or what relation has debating 855 Of church-affairs with
bear-baiting?
A just comparison still is
Of things ejusdem generis;

And then what genus rightly doth
Include and comprehend them
both? 860 If animal both of us may
As justly pass for bears as they;

For we are animals no less,
Altho' of different specieses.
But,
RALPHO, this is not fit place 865 Nor time to argue out the case:
For
now the field is not far off,
Where we must give the world a proof

Of deeds, not words, and such as suit
Another manner of dispute; 870
A controversy that affords
Actions for arguments, not words;

Which we must manage at a rate
Of prowess and conduct adequate

To what our