Hudibras | Page 9

the Cause's sake??But in that quarrel dogs and bears,?As well as we must venture theirs?This feud, by Jesuits invented,?By evil counsel is fomented: 740 There is a MACHIAVILIAN plot,?(Tho' ev'ry Nare olfact is not,)?A deep design in't, to divide?The well-affected that confide,?By setting brother against brother, 745 To claw and curry one another.?Have we not enemies plus satis,?That Cane & Angue pejus hate us??And shall we turn our fangs and claws?Upon our own selves, without cause? 750 That some occult design doth lie?In bloody cynarctomachy,?Is plain enough to him that knows?How Saints lead brothers by the nose.?I wish myself a pseudo-prophet, 755 But sure some mischief will come of it;?Unless by providential wit,?Or force, we averruncate it.?For what design, what interest,?Can beast have to encounter beast? 760 They fight for no espoused cause,?Frail privilege, fundamental laws,?Not for a thorough reformation,?Nor covenant, nor protestation,?Nor liberty of consciences, 765 Nor Lords and Commons ordinances;?Nor for the church, nor for church-lands,?To get them in their own no hands;?Nor evil counsellors to bring?To justice that seduce the King; 770 Nor for the worship of us men,?Though we have done as much for them.?Th' AEgyptians worshipp'd dogs, and for?Their faith made internecine war.?Others ador'd a rat, and some 775 For that church suffer'd martyrdom.?The Indians fought for the truth?Of th' elephant and monkey's tooth,?And many, to defend that faith,?Fought it out mordicus to death. 780 But no beast ever was so slight,?For man, as for his God, to fight.?They have more wit, alas! and know?Themselves and us better than so.?But we, who only do infuse 785 The rage in them like Boute-feus;?'Tis our example that instils?In them th' infection of our ills.?For, as some late philosophers.?Have well observ'd, beasts, that converse 790 With man, take after him, as hogs?Get pigs all the year, and bitches dogs.?Just so, by our example, cattle?Learn to give one another battle.?We read, in NERO's time, the heathen, 795 When they destroy'd the Christian brethren,?Did sew them in the skins of bears,?And then set dogs about their ears:?From thence, no doubt, th' invention came?Of this lewd antichristian game. 800
To this, quoth RALPHO, Verily?The point seems very plain to me.?It is an antichristian game,?Unlawful both in thing and name.?First, for the name: the word, bear-baiting 805 Is carnal, and of man's creating:?For certainly there's no such word?In all the scripture on record;?Therefore unlawful, and a sin;?And so is (secondly) the thing. 810 A vile assembly 'tis, that can?No more be prov'd by scripture than?Provincial, classic, national;?Mere human-creature cobwebs all.?Thirdly, it is idolatrous; 815 For when men run a whoring thus?With their inventions, whatsoe'er?The thing be, whether dog or bear,?It is idolatrous and pagan,?No less than worshipping of DAGON. 820
Quoth HUDIBRAS, I smell a rat;?RALPHO, thou dost prevaricate:?For though the thesis which thou lay'st?Be true ad amussim, as thou say'st;?(For that bear-baiting should appear 825 Jure divino lawfuller?Than synods are, thou dost deny,?Totidem verbis; so do I;)?Yet there's a fallacy in this;?For if by sly HOMAEOSIS, 830 Tussis pro crepitu, an art?Under a cough to slur a f--t?Thou wou'dst sophistically imply,?Both are unlawful, I deny.
And I (quoth RALPHO) do not doubt 835 But bear-baiting may be made out,?In gospel-times, as lawful as is?Provincial or parochial classis;?And that both are so near of kin,?And like in all, as well as sin, 840 That put them in a bag, and shake 'em,?Yourself o' th' sudden would mistake 'em,?And not know which is which, unless?You measure by their wickedness:?For 'tis not hard t'imagine whether 845 O' th' two is worst; tho' I name neither.
Quoth HUDIBRAS, Thou offer'st much,?But art not able to keep touch.?Mira de lente, as 'tis i' th' adage,?Id est, to make a leek a cabbage; 850 Thou'lt be at best but such a bull,?Or shear-swine, all cry, and no wool;?For what can synods have at all?With bear that's analogical??Or what relation has debating 855 Of church-affairs with bear-baiting??A just comparison still is?Of things ejusdem generis;?And then what genus rightly doth?Include and comprehend them both? 860 If animal both of us may?As justly pass for bears as they;?For we are animals no less,?Altho' of different specieses.?But, RALPHO, this is not fit place 865 Nor time to argue out the case:?For now the field is not far off,?Where we must give the world a proof?Of deeds, not words, and such as suit?Another manner of dispute; 870 A controversy that affords?Actions for arguments, not words;?Which we must manage at a rate?Of prowess and conduct adequate?To what our place and fame doth promise, 875 And all the godly expect from us,?Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless?We're slurr'd and outed by success;?Success, the mark no mortal wit,?Or surest hand can always hit: 880 For whatsoe'er we perpetrate,?We do but row, we're steer'd by Fate,?Which in success oft disinherits,?For spurious causes, noblest merits.?Great actions are