Hudibras | Page 8

question MARS, and, by his look,?Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a cloke:?Make MERCURY confess, and 'peach?Those thieves which he himself did teach. 600 They'll find, i' th' physiognomies?O' th' planets, all men's destinies.;?Like him that took the doctor's bill,?And swallow'd it instead o' th' pill?Cast the nativity o' th' question, 605 And from positions to be guess'd on,?As sure as it' they knew the moment?Of natives birth, tell what will come on't.?They'll feel the pulses of the stars,?To find out agues, coughs, catarrhs; 610 And tell what crisis does divine?The rot in sheep, or mange in swine?In men, what gives or cures the itch;?What makes them cuckolds, poor or rich;?What gains or loses, hangs or saves; 615 What makes men great, what fools or knaves,?But not what wise; for only of those?The stars (they say) cannot dispose,?No more than can the Astrologians.?There they say right, and like true Trojans.?This RALPHO knew, and therefore took 620 The other course, of which we spoke.
Thus was the accomplish'd Squire endu'd?With gifts and knowledge, per'lous shrew'd.?Never did trusty Squire with Knight,?Or Knight with Squire, e'er jump more right. 625 Their arms and equipage did fit,?As well as virtues, parts, and wit.?Their valours too were of a rate;?And out they sally'd at the gate. 630 Few miles on horseback had they jogged,?But Fortune unto them turn'd dogged;?For they a sad adventure met,?Of which anon we mean to treat;?But ere we venture to unfold 635 Atchievements so resolv'd and bold,?We shou'd as learned poets use,?Invoke th' assistance of some muse:?However, criticks count it sillier?Than jugglers talking to familiar. 640 We think 'tis no great matter which?They're all alike; yet we shall pitch?On one that fits our purpose most?Whom therefore thus do we accost:
Thou that with ale, or viler liquors, 645 Did'st inspire WITHERS, PRYN , and VICKARS,?And force them, tho' it was in spite?Of nature and their stars, to write;?Who, as we find in sullen writs,?And cross-grain'd works of modern wits, 650 With vanity, opinion, want,?The wonder of the ignorant,?The praises of the author, penn'd?B' himself, or wit-insuring friend;?The itch of picture in the front, 655 With bays and wicked rhyme upon't;?All that is left o' th' forked hill,?To make men scribble without skill;?Canst make a poet spite of fate,?And teach all people to translate, 660 Tho' out of languages in which?They understand no part of speech;?Assist me but this once, I 'mplore,?And I shall trouble thee no more.
In western clime there is a town, 665 To those that dwell therein well known;?Therefore there needs no more be said here,?We unto them refer our reader;?For brevity is very good,?When w' are, or are not, understood. 670 To this town people did repair,?On days of market, or of fair,?And, to crack'd fiddle, and hoarse tabor,?In merriment did drudge and labor.?But now a sport more formidable 675 Had rak'd together village rabble:?'Twas an old way of recreating,?Which learned butchers call bear-baiting:?A bold advent'rous exercise,?With ancient heroes in high prize: 680 For authors do affirm it came?From Isthmian or Nemean game:?Others derive it from the bear?That's fix'd in northern hemisphere,?And round about the pole does make 685 A circle like a bear at stake,?That at the chain's end wheels about,?And overturns the rabble-rout.?For after solemn proclamation,?In the bear's name, (as is the fashion, 690 According to the law of arms,?To keep men from inglorious harms,)?That none presume to come so near?As forty foot of stake of bear,?If any yet be so fool-hardy, 695 T' expose themselves to vain jeopardy,?If they come wounded off, and lame,?No honour's got by such a maim;?Altho' the bear gain much, b'ing bound?In honour to make good his ground, 700 When he's engag'd, and takes no notice,?If any press upon him, who 'tis;?But let's them know, at their own cost,?That he intends to keep his post.?This to prevent, and other harms, 705 Which always wait on feats of arms,?(For in the hurry of a fray?'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way,)?Thither the Knight his course did steer,?To keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear; 710 As he believ'd he was bound to do?In conscience, and commission too;?And therefore thus bespoke the Squire.
We that

are wisely mounted higher?Than constables in curule wit,?When on tribunal bench we sit,?Like speculators shou'd foresee,?From Pharos of authority,?Portended mischiefs farther then?Low Proletarian tything-men: 720 And therefore being inform'd by bruit,?That dog and bear are to dispute;?For so of late men fighting name,?Because they often prove the same;?(For where the first does hap to be, 725 The last does coincidere;)?Quantum in nobis, have thought good,?To save th' expence of Christian blood,?And try if we, by mediation?Of treaty and accommodation, 730 Can end the quarrel and compose?The bloody duel without blows.?Are not our liberties, our lives,?The laws, religion and our wives,?Enough at once to lie at stake 735 For Cov'nant and