a marriage vow.
A woman has more power than she knows, but in most cases the man has intimidated her
into thinking she does not.
When a man thinks you mean what you say, he respects you for it. Yes, the addict within
him will become desperate and perhaps turn to another source for his fix for awhile. But
the more noble soul within him will admire you all the more and he will feel himself
drawn back to you, in the process. He certainly will be no closer to marrying his
substitute fix, but he will be closer to marrying you, just like the runaround stud who
wound up marrying our little virgin social worker!
Turning the Tables on Him
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm
6
How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first By Tom McNight
One couple with whom I was intimately acquainted (having known each of them before
they even knew each other) found themselves in just such a situation as I am describing.
She was frustrated because he wouldn’t marry her. But neither would he leave her alone.
And so they went on for years caught in limbo, he in his physical addiction for sex and
she in her hopeless dream that someday he would marry her.
I told her she needed to cut him off (for both their goods – it would make him respect her
and bring him to his senses), but she didn’t have the strength to do it at first.\
But then one day she actually got angry enough that she did it! She broke off their
relationship and would have nothing to do with him.
At the end of the first week I saw him and asked how he was doing. He told me that he
(of course) missed her a little bit but that overall he was just “relieved” to not have the
pressure on him anymore.
By the end of the second week, though, he had become deeply depressed. His life didn’t
look so good anymore and he had a new-found respect for her that he had never ever felt
before.
When the end of the third week rolled around, though, he had become desperate. He
wanted her back, only this time it wasn’t just for the sex. He wanted her, and I sincerely
believe it was because he saw for the first time that she was strong enough to live happily
without him and that he would never have her again without paying the uttermost
farthing.
Principle two: True PASSION is the result of wanting what you can’t have. It motivates
the One You Want to overcome the commitment obstacle so common to all.
He begged her for months to marry him before she finally agreed. But marry they did,
and it was on win/win terms at last. Two happier people I have never seen than when
they finally scaled this final obstacle.
Samson’s Hair
For those of you who may already be caught in this trap and wondering if there is a way
out, know that there is a way. The question naturally arises, “How can one retrieve lost
virtue once it is gone?” Is there any hope to still win a man once having fallen prey to his
lies and having lost his respect?
The answer is yes, you can still get your virtue back, your integrity back, and your power
to still win the man you want. Virtue is not restricted to virginity alone. The minute you
stop compromising your values and begin being true to the voice within, emotional
empowerment begins to grow within you until you once again have reached a state of
strength and equality with the man. It takes time, but the fact is you can be strong again.
As Forrest Gump would say, “virtue is as virtue does”.
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm
7
How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first By Tom McNight
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm
8
The story of Samson is instructive in this case. Do you remember how Samson the
Israelite was promised that he would have supernatural strength, so long as he maintained
the Nazarite vow to never cut his hair? This was all well and good, until he fell for
Delilah’s betrayal and foolishly revealed to her the source of his strength. That very
night his hair was shorn and enemies fell upon the weakened man, placing him in chains.
That would
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