Horseshoes | Page 6

Ring Lardner
his regulars and I'd get a chance to play.
Well, they cinched it the fourth day o' September and our next
engagement was with Washin'ton on Labor Day. We had two games
and I was in both of 'em. And I broke in with my usual lovely luck,
because the pitchers I was ast to face was Boehling, a nasty lefthander,
and this guy Johnson.
The mornin' game was Boebling's and he wasn't no worse than some o'
the rest of his kind. I only whiffed once and would of had a triple if
Milan hadn't run from here to New Orleans and stole one off me.
I'm not boastin' about my first experience with Johnson though. They
can't never tell me he throws them balls with his arm. He's got a gun
concealed about his person and he shoots 'em up there. I was leadin' off
in Murphy's place and the game was a little delayed in startin', because
I'd watched the big guy warm up and wasn't in no hurry to get to that
plate. Before I left the bench Connie says:
Don't try to take no healthy swing. Just meet 'em and you'll get a long
better."

So I tried to just meet the first one he throwed; but when I stuck out my
bat Henry was throwin' the pill back to Johnson. Then I thought Maybe
if I start swingin' now at the second one I'll hit the third one. So I let the
second one come over and the umps guessed it was another strike,
though I'll bet a thousand bucks he couldn't see it no more'n I could.
While Johnson was still windin' up to pitch again I started to
swing--and the big cuss crosses me with a slow one. I lunged at it twice
and missed it both times, and the force o' my wallop throwed me clean
back to the bench. The Ath-a-letics was all laughin' at me and I laughed
too, because I was glad that much of it was over.
McInnes gets a base hit off him in the second innin' and I ast him how
he done it.
"He's a friend o' mine," says Jack, "and he lets up when he pitches to
me."
I made up my mind right there that if I was goin' to be in the league
next year I'd go out and visit Johnson this winter and get acquainted.
I wished before the day was over that I was hittin' in the catcher's place,
because the fellers down near the tail-end of the battin' order only had
to face him three times. He fanned me on three pitched balls again in
the third, and when I come up in the sixth he scared me to death by
pretty near beanin' me with the first one.
"Be careful!" says Henry. "He's gettin' pretty wild and he's liable to
knock you away from your uniform."
"Don't he never curve one?"I ast.
"Sure!" says Henry. "Do you want to see his curve?"
"Yes," I says, knowin' the hook couldn't be no worse'n the fast one.
So he give me three hooks in succession and I missed 'em all; but I felt
more comf'table than when I was duckin' his fast ball. In the ninth he

hit my bat with a curve and the ball went on the ground to McBride. He
booted it, but throwed me out easy--because I was so surprised at not
havin' whiffed that I forgot to run!
Well, I went along like that for the rest o' the season, runnin' up against
the best pitchers in the league and not exactly murderin' 'em.
Everything I tried went wrong, and I was smart enough to know that if
anything had depended on the games I wouldn't of been in there for two
minutes. Joyce and Strunk and Murphy wasn't jealous o' me a bit; but
they was glad to take turns restin', and I didn't care much how I went so
long as I was sure of a job next year.
I'd wrote to the girl a couple o' times askin' her to set the exact date for
our weddin'; but she hadn't paid no attention. She said she was glad I
was with the Ath-a-letics, but she thought the Giants was goin' to beat
us. I might of suspected from that that somethin' was wrong, because
not even a girl would pick the Giants to trim that bunch of ourn. Finally,
the day before the serious started, I sent her a kind o' sassy letter sayin'
I guessed it was up to me to name the day, and askin' whether October
twentieth was all right. I told her to wire me yes or no.
I'd been readin' the dope about Speed all season, and I
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