Holiday Romance | Page 5

field might be quitted without disgrace. I was going to be found
'No coward and not guilty,' and my blooming bride was going to be
publicly restored to my arms in a procession, when an unlooked-for
event disturbed the general rejoicing. This was no other than the
Emperor of France's aunt catching hold of his hair. The proceedings
abruptly terminated, and the court tumultuously dissolved.
It was when the shades of the next evening but one were beginning to
fall, ere yet the silver beams of Luna touched the earth, that four forms
might have been descried slowly advancing towards the weeping
willow on the borders of the pond, the now deserted scene of the day
before yesterday's agonies and triumphs. On a nearer approach, and by
a practised eye, these might have been identified as the forms of the
pirate-colonel with his bride, and of the day before yesterday's gallant
prisoner with his bride.
On the beauteous faces of the Nymphs dejection sat enthroned. All four
reclined under the willow for some minutes without speaking, till at
length the bride of the colonel poutingly observed, 'It's of no use
pretending any more, and we had better give it up.'
'Hah!' exclaimed the pirate. 'Pretending?'
'Don't go on like that; you worry me,' returned his bride.

The lovely bride of Tinkling echoed the incredible declaration. The two
warriors exchanged stony glances.
'If,' said the bride of the pirate-colonel, 'grown-up people WON'T do
what they ought to do, and WILL put us out, what comes of our
pretending?'
'We only get into scrapes,' said the bride of Tinkling.
'You know very well,' pursued the colonel's bride, 'that Miss Drowvey
wouldn't fall. You complained of it yourself. And you know how
disgracefully the court-martial ended. As to our marriage; would my
people acknowledge it at home?'
'Or would my people acknowledge ours?' said the bride of Tinkling.
Again the two warriors exchanged stony glances.
'If you knocked at the door and claimed me, after you were told to go
away,' said the colonel's bride, 'you would only have your hair pulled,
or your ears, or your nose.'
'If you persisted in ringing at the bell and claiming me,' said the bride
of Tinkling to that gentleman, 'you would have things dropped on your
head from the window over the handle, or you would be played upon
by the garden-engine.'
'And at your own homes,' resumed the bride of the colonel, 'it would be
just as bad. You would be sent to bed, or something equally undignified.
Again, how would you support us?'
The pirate-colonel replied in a courageous voice, 'By rapine!' But his
bride retorted, 'Suppose the grown-up people wouldn't be rapined?'
'Then,' said the colonel, 'they should pay the penalty in blood.' - 'But
suppose they should object,' retorted his bride, 'and wouldn't pay the
penalty in blood or anything else?'
A mournful silence ensued.
'Then do you no longer love me, Alice?' asked the colonel.
'Redforth! I am ever thine,' returned his bride.
'Then do you no longer love me, Nettie?' asked the present writer.
'Tinkling! I am ever thine,' returned my bride.
We all four embraced. Let me not be misunderstood by the giddy. The
colonel embraced his own bride, and I embraced mine. But two times
two make four.
'Nettie and I,' said Alice mournfully, 'have been considering our
position. The grown-up people are too strong for us. They make us

ridiculous. Besides, they have changed the times. William Tinkling's
baby brother was christened yesterday. What took place? Was any king
present? Answer, William.'
I said No, unless disguised as Great-uncle Chopper.
'Any queen?'
There had been no queen that I knew of at our house. There might have
been one in the kitchen: but I didn't think so, or the servants would
have mentioned it.
'Any fairies?'
None that were visible.
'We had an idea among us, I think,' said Alice, with a melancholy smile,
'we four, that Miss Grimmer would prove to be the wicked fairy, and
would come in at the christening with her crutch-stick, and give the
child a bad gift. Was there anything of that sort? Answer, William.'
I said that ma had said afterwards (and so she had), that Great- uncle
Chopper's gift was a shabby one; but she hadn't said a bad one. She had
called it shabby, electrotyped, second-hand, and below his income.
'It must be the grown-up people who have changed all this,' said Alice.
'WE couldn't have changed it, if we had been so inclined, and we never
should have been. Or perhaps Miss Grimmer IS a wicked fairy after all,
and won't act up to it because the grown-up people have persuaded her
not to. Either way, they would make us ridiculous if we told them what
we expected.'