Hieroglyphic Tales | Page 5

was given out, had died of an hermorrhoidal cholic, but
to shew her regard for his memory, her imperial majesty declared she
would strictly adhere to the maxims by which he had governed.
Accordingly she espoused a new husband every night, but dispensed
with their telling her stories, and was graciously pleased also, upon
their good behaviour, to remit the subsequent execution. She sent
presents to all the learned men in Asia; and they in return did not fail to
cry her up as a pattern of clemency, wisdom, and virtue: and though the
panegyrics of the learned are generally as clumsy as they are fulsome,
they ventured to allure her that their writings would be as durable as
brass, and that the memory of her glorious reign would reach to the
latest posterity.

TALE II.

The King and his three Daughters.
There was formerly a king, who had three daughters--that is, he would
have had three, if he had had one more, but some how or other the
eldest never was born. She was extremely handsome, had a great deal
of wit, and spoke French in perfection, as all the authors of that age
affirm, and yet none of them pretend that she ever existed. It is very
certain that the two other princesses were far from beauties; the second
had a strong Yorkshire dialect, and the youngest had bad teeth and but
one leg, which occasioned her dancing very ill.
As it was not probable that his majesty would have any more children,
being eighty-seven years, two months, and thirteen days old when his
queen died, the states of the kingdom were very anxious to have the
princesses married. But there was one great obstacle to this settlement,
though so important to the peace of the kingdom. The king insisted that
his eldest daughter should be married first, and as there was no such
person, it was very difficult to fix upon a proper husband for her. The
courtiers all approved his majesty's resolution; but as under the best
princes there will always be a number of discontented, the nation was
torn into different factions, the grumblers or patriots insisting that the
second princess was the eldest, and ought to be declared heiress
apparent to the crown. Many pamphlets were written pro and con, but
the ministerial party pretended that the chancellor's argument was
unanswerable, who affirmed, that the second princess could not be the
eldest, as no princess-royal ever had a Yorkshire accent. A few persons
who were attached to the youngest princess, took advantage of this plea
for whispering that her royal highness's pretensions to the crown were
the best of all; for as there was no eldest princess, and as the second
must be the first, if there was no first, and as she could not be the
second if she was the first, and as the chancellor had proved that she
could not be the first, it followed plainly by every idea of law that she
could be nobody at all; and then the consequence followed of course,
that the youngest must be the eldest, if she had no elder sister.
It is inconceivable what animosities and mischiefs arose from these
different titles; and each faction endeavoured to strengthen itself by

foreign alliances. The court party having no real object for their
attachment, were the most attached of all, and made up by warmth for
the want of foundation in their principles. The clergy in general were
devoted to this, which was styled the first party. The physicians
embraced the second; and the lawyers declared for the third, or the
faction of the youngest princess, because it seemed best calculated to
admit of doubts and endless litigation.
While the nation was in this distracted situation, there arrived the
prince of Quifferiquimini, who would have been the most
accomplished hero of the age, if he had not been dead, and had spoken
any language but the Egyptian, and had not had three legs.
Notwithstanding these blemishes, the eyes of the whole nation were
immediately turned upon him, and each party wished to see him
married to the princess whose cause they espoused.
The old king received him with the most distinguished honours; the
senate made the most fulsome addresses to him; the princesses were so
taken with him, that they grew more bitter enemies than ever; and the
court ladies and petit-maitres invented a thousand new fashions upon
his account--every thing was to be à la Quifferiquimini. Both men and
women of fashion left off rouge to look the more cadaverous; their
cloaths were embroidered with hieroglyphics, and all the ugly
characters they could gather from Egyptian antiquities, with which they
were forced to be contented, it being impossible to learn a language that
is lost;