Handy Andy, vol 2 | Page 7

the statutes;' and with that he pulled down all the law-books
in his library, and hunted the laws from Queen Elizabeth down, and he
found that they made laws against everything in Ireland, except a cat.
The devil a thing escaped them but a cat, which did not come within
the meaning of any act of parliament:--the cats only had escaped.
"'There's the alien act, to be sure,' said the magistrate, 'and perhaps she's
a French spy, in disguise.'
"'She spakes like a French spy, sure enough,' says Tom; 'and she was
missin', I remember, all last Spy-Wednesday.'
"'That's suspicious,' says the squire--'but conviction might be difficult;
and I have a fresh idea,' says Botherum.
"''Faith, it won't keep fresh long, this hot weather,' says Tom; 'so your
honour had betther make use of it at wanst.'
"'Right,' says Botherum,--'we'll make her subject to the game laws;
we'll hunt her,' says he.
"'Ow!--elegant!' says Tom;--'we'll have a brave run out of her.'
"'Meet me at the cross roads,' says the Squire, 'in the morning, and I'll
have the hounds ready.'

"'Well, off Tom went home; and he was racking his brain what excuse
he could make to the cat for not bringing the shoes; and at last he hit
one off, just as he saw her cantering up to him, half-a-mile before he
got home.
"'Where's the shoes, Tom?' says she.
"'I have not got them to-day, ma'am,' says he.
"'Is that the way you keep your promise, Tom?' says she;--'I'll tell you
what it is, Tom--I'll tare the eyes out o' the childre' if you don't get me
shoes.'
"'Whisht! whisht!' says Tom, frightened out of his life for his children's
eyes. 'Don't be in a passion, pussy. The shoemaker said he had not a
shoe in his shop, nor a last that would make one to fit you; and he says,
I must bring you into the town for him to take your measure.'
"'And when am I to go?' says the cat, looking savage.
"'To-morrow,' says Tom.
"'It's well you said that, Tom,' said the cat, 'or the devil an eye I'd leave
in your family this night'--and off she hopped.
"Tom thrimbled at the wicked look she gave.
"'Remember!' says she, over the hedge, with a bitter caterwaul.
"'Never fear,' says Tom. Well, sure enough, the next mornin' there was
the cat at cock-crow, licking herself as nate as a new pin, to go into the
town, and out came Tom with a bag undher his arm, and the cat afther
him.
"'Now git into this, and I'll carry you into the town,' says Tom, opening
the bag.
"'Sure I can walk with you,' says the cat.

"'Oh, that wouldn't do,' says Tom; 'the people in the town is curious and
slandherous people, and sure it would rise ugly remarks if I was seen
with a cat afther me:--a dog is a man's companion by nature, but cats
does not stand to rayson.'
"Well, the cat, seeing there was no use in argument, got into the bag,
and off Tom set to the cross roads with the bag over his shoulder, and
he came up, _quite innocent-like_, to the corner, where the Squire, and
his huntsman, and the hounds, and a pack o' people were waitin'. Out
came the Squire on a sudden, just as if it was all by accident.
"'God save you, Tom,' says he.
"'God save you kindly, sir,' says Tom.
"'What's that bag you have at your back?' says the Squire.
"'Oh, nothin' at all, sir,' says Tom--makin' a face all the time, as much
as to say, I have her safe.
"'Oh, there's something in that bag, I think,' says the Squire; 'and you
must let me see it.'
"'If you bethray me, Tom Connor,' says the cat in a low voice, 'by this
and that I'll never spake to you again!'
"'Pon my honour, sir,' said Tom, with a wink and a twitch of his thumb
towards the bag, 'I haven't anything in it.'
"'I have been missing my praties of late,' says the Squire; 'and I'd just
like to examine that bag,' says he.
"'Is it doubting my charackther you'd be, sir?' says Tom, pretending to
be in a passion.
"'Tom, your sowl!' says the voice in the sack, 'if you let the cat out of
the bag, I'll murther you.'
"'An honest man would make no objection to be sarched,' said the

Squire; 'and I insist on it,' says he, laying hold o' the bag, and Tom
purtending to fight all the time; but, my jewel! before two minutes, they
shook the cat out o' the bag, sure enough, and off she went with her tail
as big as a sweeping brush, and the Squire, with a thundering view
halloo after