Handy Andy, Volume One | Page 8

of the demise of the then sitting member;--it ran thus:
"Dublin, Thursday.
"My dear Squire,--I am making all possible exertions to have every and
the earliest information on the subject of the election. I say the
election,--because, though the seat of the county is not yet vacant, it is
impossible but that it must soon be so. Any other man than the present
member must have died long ago; but Sir Timothy Trimmer has been
so undecided all his life that he cannot at present make up his mind to
die; and it is only by Death himself giving the casting vote that the
question can be decided. The writ for the vacant county is expected to
arrive by every mail, and in the meantime I am on the alert for
information. You know we are sure of the barony of
Ballysloughgutthery, and the boys of Killanmaul will murder any one
that dares to give a vote against you. We are sure of Knockdoughty also,
and the very pigs in Glanamuck would return you; but I must put you
on your guard on one point where you least expected to be betrayed.
You told me you were sure of Neck-or-nothing Hall; but I can tell you
you're out there; for the master of the aforesaid is working heaven,
earth, ocean, and all the little fishes, in the other interest; for he is so
over head and ears in debt, that he is looking out for a pension, and
hopes to get one by giving his interest to the Honourable Sackville
Scatterbrain, who sits for the Borough of Old Goosebery at present, but
whose friends think his talents are worthy of a county. If Sack wins,
Neck-or-nothing gets a pension--that's poz. I had it from the best
authority. I lodge at a milliner's here:--no matter; more when I see you.
But don't be afraid; we'll bag Sack, and distance Neck-or-nothing. But,
seriously speaking, it's too good a joke that O'Grady should use you in
this manner, who have been so kind to him in money matters: but, as

the old song says, 'Poverty parts good company;' and he is so cursed
poor that he can't afford to know you any longer, now that you have
lent him all the money you had, and the pension in prospectu is too
much for his feelings. I'll be down with you again as soon as I can, for I
hate the diabolical town as I do poison. They have altered Stephen's
Green--ruined it I should say. They have taken away the big ditch that
was round it, where I used to hunt water-rats when a boy. They are
destroying the place with their d----d improvements. All the dogs are
well, I hope, and my favourite bitch. Remember me to Mrs. Egan,
whom all admire.
"My dear squire, yours per quire,
"Murtough Murphy.
"To Edward Egan, Esq., Merryvale."
Murtough Murphy was a great character, as may be guessed from his
letter. He was a country attorney of good practice; good, because he
could not help it--for he was a clever, ready-witted fellow, up to all
sorts of trap, and one in whose hands a cause was very safe; therefore
he had plenty of clients without his seeking them. For if Murtough's
practice had depended on his looking for it, he might have made broth
of his own parchment; for though to all intents and purposes a good
attorney, he was so full of fun and fond of amusement, that it was only
by dint of the business being thrust upon him he was so extensive a
practitioner. He loved a good bottle, a good hunt, a good joke, and a
good song, as well as any fellow in Ireland: and even when he was
obliged in the way of business to press a gentleman hard--to hunt his
man to the death--he did it so good-humouredly that his very victim
could not be angry with him. As for those he served, he was their prime
favourite; there was nothing they could want to be done in the
parchment line, that Murtough would not find out some way of doing;
and he was so pleasant a fellow, that he shared in the hospitality of all
the best tables in the county. He kept good horses, was on every
race-ground within twenty miles, and a steeple-chase was no
steeple-chase without him. Then he betted freely, and, what's more,
won his bets very generally; but no one found fault with him for that,

and he took your money with such a good grace, and mostly gave you a
bon mot in exchange for it--so that, next to winning the money yourself,
you were glad it was won by Murtough Murphy.
The squire read his letter two or three times, and made