Handy Andy, Volume One | Page 7

entered the
house, who vouched to the postmaster that he might give Andy the
squire's letter. "Have you one for me?"
"Yes, sir," said the postmaster, producing one--"fourpence."
The gentleman paid the fourpence postage, and left the shop with his
letter.
"Here's a letter for the squire," said the postmaster; "you've to pay me
elevenpence postage."
"What 'ud I pay elevenpence for?"
"For postage."
"To the devil wid you! Didn't I see you give Mr. Durfy a letther for
fourpence this minit, and a bigger letther than this? and now you want
me to pay elevenpence for this scrap of a thing. Do you think I'm a
fool?"
"No: but I'm sure of it," said the postmaster.
"Well you're welkum to be sure, sure;--but don't be delayin' me now:
here's fourpence for you, and gi' me the letther."
"Go along, you stupid thief!" said the postmaster, taking up the letter,
and going to serve a customer with a mouse-trap.
While this person, and many others were served, Andy lounged up and
down the shop, every now and then putting in his head in the middle of
the customers, and saying, "Will you gi' me the letther?"
He waited for above half an hour, in defiance of the anathemas of the
postmaster, and at last left, when he found it impossible to get common
justice for his master, which he thought he deserved as well as another
man; for, under this impression, Andy determined to give no more than
the fourpence.

The squire in the meantime was getting impatient for his return, and
when Andy made his appearance, asked if there was a letter for him.
"There is, sir," said Andy.
"Then give it to me."
"I haven't it, sir."
"What do you mean?"
"He wouldn't give it to me, sir."
"Who wouldn't give it you?"
"That owld chate beyant in the town--wanting to charge me double for
it."
"Maybe it's a double letter. Why the devil didn't you pay what he asked,
sir?"
"Arrah, sir, why would I let you be chated? It's not a double letther at
all: not above half the size o' one Mr. Durfy got before my face for
fourpence."
"You'll provoke me to break your neck some day, you vagabond! Ride
back for your life, you omadhaun; and pay whatever he asks, and get
me the letter."
"Why, sir, I tell you he was sellin' them before my face for fourpence
a-piece."
"Go back, you scoundrel! or I'll horsewhip you; and if you're longer
than an hour, I'll have you ducked in the horse-pond!"
Andy vanished, and made a second visit to the post-office. When he
arrived, two other persons were getting letters, and the postmaster was
selecting the epistles for each, from a large parcel that lay before him
on the counter; at the same time many shop customers were waiting to

be served.
"I'm come for that letther," said Andy.
"I'll attend to you by-and-by."
"The masther's in a hurry."
"Let him wait till his hurry's over."
"He'll murther me if I'm not back soon."
"I'm glad to hear it."
While the postmaster went on with such provoking answers to these
appeals for dispatch, Andy's eye caught the heap of letters which lay on
the counter: so while certain weighing of soap and tobacco was going
forward, he contrived to become possessed of two letters from the heap,
and, having effected that, waited patiently enough till it was the great
man's pleasure to give him the missive directed to his master.
Then did Andy bestride his hack, and in triumph at his trick on the
postmaster, rattled along the road homeward as fast as the beast could
carry him. He came into the squire's presence, his face beaming with
delight, and an air of self-satisfied superiority in his manner, quite
unaccountable to his master, until he pulled forth his hand, which had
been grubbing up his prizes from the bottom of his pocket; and holding
three letters over his head, while he said, "Look at that!" he next
slapped them down under his broad fist on the table before the squire,
saying--
"Well! if he did make me pay elevenpence, by gor, I brought your
honour the worth o' your money anyhow!"
CHAPTER II
Andy walked out of the room with an air of supreme triumph, having
laid the letters on the table, and left the squire staring after him in

perfect amazement.
"Well, by the powers! that's the most extraordinary genius I ever came
across," was the soliloquy the master uttered as the servant closed the
door after him; and the squire broke the seal of the letter that Andy's
blundering had so long delayed. It was from his law-agent on the
subject of an expected election in the county, which would occur in
case