Grimm Tales Made Gay | Page 6

work in fashion rapid;?No time for resting he deducted,?And soon the trousers were constructed.
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The girl observed: "How very nice?To help me out this way!"?The gnome replied: "A certain price?Of course you'll have to pay.?I'll call to-morrow afternoon,?My due reward to claim,?And then you'll sing another tune?Unless you guess my name!"?He indicated with a gesture?The pile of newly fashioned vesture:?His eyes on hers a moment centered,?And then he went, as he had entered.
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As by this tale you have been grieved?And heartily distressed,?Kind sir, you will be much relieved?To know his name she guessed:
But if I do not tell the same,?Pray count it not a crime:--?I've tried my best, and for that name?I can't find any rhyme!?Yet spare me from remarks injurious:?I will not leave you foiled and furious.?If something must proclaim the answer,?And I cannot, the title can, sir!
_The Moral_ is: All said and done,?There's nothing new beneath the sun,?And many times before, a title?Was incapacity's requital!
How Jack Made the Giants Uncommonly Sore
Of all the ill-fated?Boys ever created?Young Jack was the wretchedest lad:?An emphatic, erratic,?Dogmatic fanatic?Was foisted upon him as dad!?From the time he could walk,?And before he could talk,?His wearisome training began,?On a highly barbarian,?Disciplinarian,?Nearly Tartarean
Plan!
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He taught him some Raleigh,?And some of Macaulay,?Till all of "Horatius" he knew,?And the drastic, sarcastic,?Fantastic, scholastic?Philippics of "Junius," too.?He made him learn lots?Of the poems of Watts,?And frequently said he ignored,?On principle, any son's?Title to benisons?Till he'd learned Tennyson's
"Maud."
"For these are the giants?Of thought and of science,"?He said in his positive way:?"So weigh them, obey them,?Display them, and lay them?To heart in your infancy's day!"?Jack made no reply,?But he said on the sly?An eloquent word, that had come?From a quite indefensible,?Most reprehensible,?But indispensable
Chum.
By the time he was twenty?Jack had such a plenty?Of books and paternal advice,?Though seedy and needy,?Indeed he was greedy?For vengeance, whatever the price!?In the editor's seat?Of a critical sheet?He found the revenge that he sought;?And, with sterling appliance of?Mind, wrote defiance of?All of the giants of
Thought.
He'd thunder and grumble?At high and at humble?Until he became, in a while,?Mordacious, pugnacious,?Rapacious. Good gracious!?They called him the Yankee Carlyle!?But he never took rest?On his quarrelsome quest?Of the giants, both mighty and small.?He slated, distorted them,?Hanged them and quartered them,?Till he had slaughtered them
All.
And this is _The Moral_ that lies in the verse:?If you have a go farther, you're apt to fare worse.?(When you turn it around it is different rather:--?You're not apt to go worse if you have a fair father!)
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How Rudeness and Kindness Were Justly Rewarded
Once on a time, long years ago?(Just when I quite forget),?Two maidens lived beside the Po,?One blonde and one brunette.?The blonde one's character was mild,?From morning until night she smiled,?Whereas the one whose hair was brown?Did little else than pine and frown.?(_I_ think one ought to draw the line?At girls who always frown and pine!)
The blonde one learned to play the harp,?Like all accomplished dames,?And trained her voice to take _C_ sharp?As well as Emma Eames;?Made baskets out of scented grass,?And paper-weights of hammered brass,?And lots of other odds and ends?For gentleman and lady friends.?(_I_ think it takes a deal of sense?To manufacture gifts for gents!)
The dark one wore an air of gloom,?Proclaimed the world a bore,?And took her breakfast in her room?Three mornings out of four.?With crankiness she seemed imbued,?And everything she said was rude:?She sniffed, and sneered, and, what is more,?When very much provoked, she swore!?(_I_ think that I could never care?For any girl who'd learned to swear!)
One day the blonde was striding past?A forest, all alone,?When all at once her eyes she cast?Upon a wrinkled crone,?Who tottered near with shaking knees,?And said: "A penny, if you please!"?And you will learn with some surprise?This was a fairy in disguise!?(_I_ think it must be hard to know?A fairy who's incognito!)
The maiden filled her trembling palms?With coinage of the realm.?The fairy said: "Take back your alms!?My heart they overwhelm.?Henceforth at every word shall slip?A pearl or ruby from your lip!"?And, when the girl got home that night,--?She found the fairy's words were right!?(_I_ think there are not many girls?Whose words are worth their weight in pearls!)
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It happened that the cross brunette,?Ten minutes later, came?Along the self-same road, and met?That bent and wrinkled dame,?Who asked her humbly for a sou.?The girl replied: "Get out with you!"?The fairy cried: "Each word you drop,?A toad from out your mouth shall hop!"?(_I_ think that nothing incommodes?One's speech like uninvited toads!)
And so it was, the cheerful blonde?Lived on in joy and bliss,?And grew pecunious, beyond?The dreams of avarice!?And to a nice young man was wed,?And I have often heard it said?No other man who ever walked?Most loved his wife when most she talked!?(_I_ think this very fact, forsooth,?Goes far to prove I tell the truth!)
The cross brunette the fairy's joke?By hook or crook survived,?But still at every word she spoke?An ugly toad arrived,?Until