Grimm Tales Made Gay | Page 2

and night?Upon their sister they?Were wont to vent their selfish spite,?And in the rudest way:?For though her name was Leonore,?That's neither there nor here,?They called her Cinderella, for?The kitchen was her sphere,?Save when the hair she had to do?Of Gwendolyn (and Gladys, too).
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Each night to dances and to _fêtes_?Went Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates,?And Cinderella watched them go?In silks and satins clad:?A prince invited them, and so?They put on all they had!?But one fine night, as all alone?She watched the flames leap higher,?A small and stooping fairy crone?Stept nimbly from the fire.?Said she: "The pride upon me grates?Of Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates."
"I'll now," she added, with a frown,?"Call Gwendolyn and Gladys down!"?And, ere your fingers you could snap,?There stood before the door?No paltry hired horse and trap,?Oh, no!--a coach and four!?And Cinderella, fitted out?Regardless of expense,?Made both her sisters look about?Like thirty-seven cents!?The prince, with one look at her gown,?Turned Gwendolyn and Gladys down!
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Wall-flowers, when thus compared with her,?Both Gwendolyn and Gladys were.?The prince but gave them glances hard,?No gracious word he said;?He scratched their names from off his card,?And wrote hers down instead:?And where he would bestow his hand?He showed them in a trice?By handing her the kisses, and?To each of them an ice!?In sudden need of fire and fur?Both Gwendolyn and Gladys were.
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At ten o'clock, in discontent,?Both Gwendolyn and Gladys went.?Their sister stayed till after two,?And, with a joy sincere,?The prince obtained her crystal shoe?By way of souvenir.?"Upon the bridal path," he cried,?"We'll reign together! Since?I love you, you must be my bride!"?(He was no slouch, that prince!)?And into sudden languishment?Both Gwendolyn and Gladys went.
_The Moral_: All the girls on earth?Exaggerate their proper worth.?They think the very shoes they wear?Are worth the average millionaire;?Whereas few pairs in any town?Can be half-sold for half a crown!
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_How Little Red Riding Hood Came to be Eaten_
Most worthy of praise?Were the virtuous ways?Of Little Red Riding Hood's Ma,?And no one was ever?More cautious and clever?Than Little Red Riding Hood's Pa.?They never misled,?For they meant what they said,?And would frequently say what they meant,?And the way she should go?They were careful to show,?And the way that they showed her, she went.?For obedience she was effusively thanked,?And for anything else she was carefully spanked.
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It thus isn't strange?That Red Riding Hood's range?Of virtues so steadily grew,?That soon she won prizes?Of different sizes,?And golden encomiums, too!?As a general rule?She was head of her school,?And at six was so notably smart?That they gave her a cheque?For reciting "The Wreck?Of the Hesperus," wholly by heart!?And you all will applaud her the more, I am sure,?When I add that this money she gave to the poor.
At eleven this lass?Had a Sunday-school class,?At twelve wrote a volume of verse,?At thirteen was yearning?For glory, and learning?To be a professional nurse.?To a glorious height?The young paragon might?Have grown, if not nipped in the bud,?But the following year?Struck her smiling career?With a dull and a sickening thud!?(I have shed a great tear at the thought of her pain,?And must copy my manuscript over again!)
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Not dreaming of harm,?One day on her arm?A basket she hung. It was filled?With jellies, and ices,?And gruel, and spices,?And chicken-legs, carefully grilled,?And a savory stew,?And a novel or two?She'd persuaded a neighbor to loan,?And a hot-water can,?And a Japanese fan,?And a bottle of _eau-de-cologne_,?And the rest of the things that your family fill?Your room with, whenever you chance to be ill!
She expected to find?Her decrepit but kind?Old Grandmother waiting her call,?But the visage that met her?Completely upset her:?It wasn't familiar at all!?With a whitening cheek?She started to speak,?But her peril she instantly saw:--?Her Grandma had fled,?And she'd tackled instead?Four merciless Paws and a Maw!?When the neighbors came running, the wolf to subdue,?He was licking his chops, (and Red Riding Hood's, too!)
[Illustration: _This shows the bad wolf that came out of the wood,
And proved by his actions to be robbin' Hood._]
At this terrible tale?Some readers will pale,?And others with horror grow dumb,?And yet it was better,?I fear, he should get her:?Just think what she might have become!?For an infant so keen?Might in future have been?A woman of awful renown,?Who carried on fights?For her feminine rights?As the Mare of an Arkansas town.?She might have continued the crime of her 'teens,?And come to write verse for the Big Magazines!
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_The Moral_: There's nothing much glummer?Than children whose talents appall:?One much prefers those who are dumber,?But as for the paragons small,?If a swallow cannot make a summer?It can bring on a summary fall!
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_How the Fatuous Wish of a Peasant Came True_
An excellent peasant,?Of character pleasant,?Once lived in a hut with his wife.?He was cheerful and docile,?But such an old fossil?You wouldn't meet twice in your life.?His notions were all without reason or rhyme,?Such dullness in any one else were a crime,?But the folly pig-headed?To which he was wedded?Was so deep imbedded,
it touched the sublime!
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He frequently