Gentle Measures in the Management and Training of the Young | Page 2

to go too, she adopts a
system of manoeuvres to conceal her design. She brings down her
bonnet and shawl by stealth, and before the chaise comes to the door
she sends Mary out into the garden with her sister, under pretense of
showing her a bird's nest which is not there, trusting to her sister's skill
in diverting the child's mind, and amusing her with something else in
the garden, until the chaise has gone. And if, either from hearing the
sound of the wheels, or from any other cause, Mary's suspicions are
awakened--and children habitually managed on these principles soon
learn to be extremely distrustful and suspicious--and she insists on
going into the house, and thus discovers the stratagem, then, perhaps,
her mother tells her that they are only going to the doctor's, and that if
Mary goes with them, the doctor will give her some dreadful medicine,
and compel her to take it, thinking thus to deter her from insisting on
going with them to ride.
As the chaise drives away, Mary stands bewildered and perplexed on
the door-step, her mind in a tumult of excitement, in which hatred of
the doctor, distrust and suspicion of her mother, disappointment,
vexation, and ill humor, surge and swell among those delicate
organizations on which the structure and development of the soul so
closely depend--doing perhaps an irreparable injury. The mother, as
soon as the chaise is so far turned that Mary can no longer watch the
expression of her countenance, goes away from the door with a smile of

complacency and satisfaction upon her face at the ingenuity and
success of her little artifice.
In respect to her statement that she was going to the doctor's, it may, or
may not, have been true. Most likely not; for mothers who manage their
children on this system find the line of demarkation between deceit and
falsehood so vague and ill defined that they soon fall into the habit of
disregarding it altogether, and of saying, without hesitation, any thing
which will serve the purpose in view.
Governing by Reason and Affection.
2. The theory of many mothers is that they must govern their children
by the influence of reason and affection. Their method may be
exemplified by supposing that, under circumstances similar to those
described under the preceding head, the mother calls Mary to her side,
and, smoothing her hair caressingly with her hand while she speaks,
says to her,
"Mary, your father and I are going out to ride this afternoon, and I am
going to explain it all to you why you can not go too. You see, I have
been sick, and am getting well, and I am going out to ride, so that I may
get well faster. You love mamma, I am sure, and wish to have her get
well soon. So you will be a good girl, I know, and not make any trouble,
but will stay at home contentedly--won't you? Then I shall love you,
and your papa will love you, and after I get well we will take you to
ride with us some day."
The mother, in managing the case in this way, relies partly on
convincing the reason of the child, and partly on an appeal to her
affection.
Governing by Authority.
3. By the third method the mother secures the compliance of the child
by a direct exercise of authority. She says to her--the circumstances of
the case being still supposed to be the same--

"Mary, your father and I are going out to ride this afternoon, and I am
sorry, for your sake, that we can not take you with us."
"Why can't you take me?" asks Mary.
"I can not tell you why, now," replies the mother, "but perhaps I will
explain it to you after I come home. I think there is a good reason, and,
at any rate, I have decided that you are not to go. If you are a good girl,
and do not make any difficulty, you can have your little chair out upon
the front door-step, and can see the chaise come to the door, and see
your father and me get in and drive away; and you can wave your
handkerchief to us for a good-bye."
Then, if she observes any expression of discontent or insubmission in
Mary's countenance, the mother would add,
"If you should not be a good girl, but should show signs of making us
any trouble, I shall have to send you out somewhere to the back part of
the house until we are gone."
But this last supposition is almost always unnecessary; for if Mary has
been habitually managed on this principle she will not make any
trouble. She will perceive at once that the question is