Five Little Plays | Page 6

an ordinary case of a husband and wife--I trusted you--you were my best friend. You spawn, you thing of the gutter, you foul-hearted, damnable slug!
[BETTY _comes back, dragging her feet, carrying paper and envelopes and a stylograph--she puts them on the table._
HECTOR. Not that stylograph--that's mine--his dirty hands shan't touch it--I could never use it again. Fetch your pen--yours--you belong to him, don't you? Go in and fetch it. D'you hear?
[BETTY _goes into the inner room again._
HECTOR. My wife. And you the man I've done more for than for any one else in the world. The man I cared for, you low dog. Used my house--came here because it was dull at the Club--and took my wife? I don't know why I don't kill you. I've the right. But I won't. You shall pay for it, my fine fellow--you are going to pay--now.
[BETTY _brings a pen and an inkstand; she places them on the table;_ HECTOR seizes them and pushes them in front of WALTER. BETTY _slinks to the other side of the room, and stands by the sofa._
HECTOR. [To WALTER.] Now you write. You hear? You write what I dictate. Word for word. What's the old brute's name?
WALTER. Whose?
HECTOR. Whose! Her father, the sealing-wax man, old Gillingham?
WALTER. [_Staring._] Gillingham?
HECTOR. Gillingham. Yes. What is it?
WALTER. You want me to write to him?
HECTOR. [_Nodding._] To him. Who else? A confession? I've had that. His name?
WALTER. [_Dropping the pen and half rising._] I won't--
HECTOR. [_Springing upon him in a mad fury, and forcing him back into the chair._] You won't, you dog! You dare say that--to me! By Heaven, you will! You'll lick the dust off this floor, if I tell you! You'll go on your hands and knees, and crawl! Sit down, you! Sit down and take up your filthy pen. So. [_Thoroughly cowed,_ WALTER _has taken up the pen again._] And now--his name. Don't make me ask you again, I tell you, don't. What is it?
WALTER. Richard.
HECTOR. Very well, Richard. So write that down. To Richard Gillingham. I have to-day proposed to your daughter, and she has accepted me. Got that? She has accepted me. But I can't marry her--can't marry her--because I have seduced the wife of my friend Hector Allen--
WALTER. [_Appealingly, dropping his pen._] Hector!
HECTOR. [Frantically gripping WALTER _by the throat, till he takes up his pen again._] The wife of my friend Hector Allen--write it--and plainly, you hound, plainly--so--and because I am taking the woman away with me to-night.
BETTY. [_With a loud cry._] Hector!
HECTOR. [_Over his shoulder, watching_ WALTER _write._] Silence, over there, you! Hold your tongue! Go into your room and put on your things--we've done with you here! Take what you want--I don't care--you don't show your face here again. And you--[he taps his clenched hand against WALTER'S _arm_] write. What are you stopping for? How far have you got? [He peers over WALTER'S _shoulder._] Because--I--am--taking-- the--woman--away--with--me--to-night.
BETTY. [_Beside herself, wringing her hands._] Hector, Hector--
HECTOR. [_Savagely, as he makes a half-turn towards her._] You still there? Wait a bit. I'll come to you, when I've finished with him. If you haven't gone and put on your things, you shall go off without them. Into the street. You'll find other women there like you. [He turns back to WALTER.] Here, you, have you written? [He looks over WALTER'S _shoulder._] Go on--I'm getting impatient. Go on, I tell you. I--am--taking--the--
[WALTER _is slowly writing down the words,_ HECTOR _standing over him;_ BETTY _suddenly bursts into a peal of wild, uproarious laughter, and lets herself fall into a chair to the left of the card-table._
HECTOR. [_Madly._] You!
[He leaves WALTER, _and almost springs at her._
BETTY. [_Brimming with merriment._] Oh, you old donkey! How we have pulled your leg!
HECTOR. [_Staring at her, stopping dead short._] You--
BETTY. [_Through her laughter, choking._] Hector, Hector! Conventional situations! The usual stodge! The lover and husband! You goose, you wonderful old goose!
[WALTER, _with a mighty effort, has pulled himself together, and roars with laughter too. He jumps up._ HECTOR _is standing there blinking, paralysed._
WALTER. [_Merrily, to_ BETTY.] Oh really, you shouldn't. You've given it away too soon!
BETTY. Too soon! He'd have strangled us. Did you ever see such a tiger?
WALTER. [_Chuckling hugely._] He didn't give the lover much chance to stand up to him, did he?
BETTY. And _wasn't_ he original! Dog, hound, villain, traitor!
WALTER. To say nothing of Jezebel! Though, between ourselves, I think he meant Messalina!
BETTY. And I was to go into the street. But he did let me fill my bag!
WALTER. I think the playwrights come out on top, I do indeed. [He goes to HECTOR, _and stands to left of him._] Hector, old chap, here's the letter!
BETTY. [Going to the other side of HECTOR, _and dropping a low curtsey._] And please, Mr. Husband, was it to be a big bag, or a small bag,