First Plays | Page 7

the name of Wurzel-Flummery as famous
as he has already made that of Crawshaw. At any rate I hope he will.
MARGARET. How nice of you! CRAWSHAW. Well, it's settled, then.
(Looking at his watch) This solicitor fellow should be here soon.
Perhaps, after all, we can manage something about--Ah, Viola, did you
want your mother?
[Enter VIOLA.]
VIOLA. Sorry, do I interrupt a family meeting? There's Richard, so it
can't be very serious.
RICHARD. What a reputation!
CRAWSHAW. Well, it's over now.
MARGARET. Viola had better know, hadn't she?
CRAWSHAW. She'll have to know some time, of course.
VIOLA (sitting done firmly on the sofa). Of course she will. So you'd
better tell her now. I knew there was something exciting going on this
morning.
CRAWSHAW (embarrassed). Hum--ha--(To MARGARET) Perhaps
you'd better tell her, dear.
MARGARET (simply and naturally). Father has come into some
property, Viola. It means changing our name unfortunately. But your
father doesn't think it will matter.
VIOLA. How thrilling! What is the name, mother?
MARGARET. Your father says it is--dear me, I shall never remember
it.
CRAWSHAW (mumbling). Wurzel-Flummery.
VIOLA (after a pause). Dick, you tell me, if nobody else will.
RICHARD. Robert said it just now.

VIOLA. That wasn't a name, was it? I thought it was just a--do say it
again, father.
CRAWSHAW (sulkily but plainly). Wurzel-Flummery.
VIOLA (surprised). Do you spell it like that? I mean like a wurzel and
like flummery?
RICHARD. Exactly, I believe.
VIOLA (to herself). Miss Viola Wurzel-Flummery--I mean they'd have
to look at you, wouldn't they? (Bubbling over) Oh, Dick, what a
heavenly name! Who had it first?
RICHARD. They are an old Hampshire family--that is so, isn't it,
Robert?
CRAWSHAW (annoyed). I said I thought that I remembered--Margaret,
can you find Burke there?
(She finds it, and he buries himself in the families of the great.)
MARGARET. Well, Viola, you haven't told us how you like being
Miss Wurzel-Flummery.
VIOLA. I haven't realized myself yet, mummy. I shall have to stand in
front of my glass and tell myself who I am.
RICHARD. It's all right for you. You know you'll change your name
one day, and then it won't matter what you've been called before.
VIOLA (secretly). H'sh! (She smiles lovingly at him, and then says
aloud) Oh, won't it? It's got to appear in the papers, "A marriage has
been arranged between Miss Viola Wurzel-Flummery..." and
everybody will say, "And about time too, poor girl."
MARGARET (to CRAWSHAW). Have you found it, dear?
CRAWSHAW (resentfully). This is the 1912 edition.
MARGARET. Still, dear, if it's a very old family, it ought to be in by
then.
VIOLA. I don't mind how old it is; I think it's lovely. Oh, Dick, what
fun it will be being announced! Just think of the footman throwing
open the door and saying--
MAID (announcing). Mr. Denis Clifton.
(There is a little natural confusion as CLIFTON enters jauntily in his
summer suiting with a bundle of papers under his arm. CRAWSHAW
goes towards him and shakes hands.)
CRAWSHAW. How do you do, Mr. Clifton? Very good of you to
come. (Looking doubtfully at his clothes) Er--it is Mr. Denis Clifton,

the solicitor?
CLIFTON (cheerfully). It is. I must apologize for not looking the part
more, but my clothes did not arrive from Clarkson's in time. Very
careless of them when they had promised. And my clerk dissuaded me
from the side-whiskers which I keep by me for these occasions.
CRAWSHAW (bewildered). Ah yes, quite so. But you have--ah--full
legal authority to act in this matter?
CLIFTON.. Oh, decidedly. Oh, there's no question of that.
CRAWSHAW (introducing). My wife--and daughter. (CLIFTON bows
gracefully.) My friend, Mr. Richard Meriton.
CLIFTON (happily).Dear me! Mr. Meriton too! This is quite a situation,
as we say in the profession.
RICHARD (amused by him). In the legal profession?
CLIFTON. In the theatrical profession.(Turning to MARGARET) I am
a writer of plays, Mrs. Crawshaw. I am not giving away a professional
secret when I tell you that most of the managers in London have
thanked me for submitting my work to them.
CRAWSHAW (firmly).I understood, Mr. Clifton, that you were the
solicitor employed to wind up the affairs of the late Mr. Antony
Clifton.
CLIFTON. Oh, certainly. Oh, there's no doubt about my being a
solicitor. My clerk, a man of the utmost integrity, not to say probity,
would give me a reference. I am in the books; I belong to the Law
Society. But my heart turns elsewhere. Officially I have embraced the
profession of a solicitor--(Frankly, to MRS. CRAWSHAW) But you
know what these official embraces are.
MARGARET. I'm afraid--(She turns to her husband for assistance.)
CLIFTON (to RICHARD). Unofficially, Mr. Meriton, I am wedded to
the Muses.
VIOLA. Dick, isn't he lovely?
CRAWSHAW. Quite so.