Father Sergius | Page 3

garden and were sitting on a
bench in a shady linden alley. Mary's white muslin dress suited her
particularly well, and she seemed the personification of innocence and
love as she sat, now bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall
and handsome man who was speaking to her with particular tenderness
and self-restraint, as if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully
her angelic purity.
Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now
no longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any
conscientious scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required
ideal and angelic purity in their women, regarded all unmarried women
of their circle as possessed of such purity, and treated them accordingly.
There was much that was false and harmful in this outlook, as
concerning the laxity the men permitted themselves, but in regard to the
women that old-fashioned view (sharply differing from that held by
young people to-day who see in every girl merely a female seeking a
mate) was, I think, of value. The girls, perceiving such adoration,
endeavoured with more or less success to be goddesses.
Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he
regarded his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did not
experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary he regarded her
with tender adoration as something unattainable.
He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands on his
sabre.
'I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! And it
is you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,' he said with a
timid smile.
Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling
himself morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use them to
such an angel.
'It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have learnt that I
am better than I thought.'

'I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love you.'
Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved by a
passing breeze.
He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes.
She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved him.
He silently took a few steps up and down, and then approached her
again and sat down.
'You know . . . I have to tell you . . . I was not disinterested when I
began to make love to you. I wanted to get into society; but later . . .
how unimportant that became in comparison with you--when I got to
know you. You are not angry with me for that?'
She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood that this
meant: 'No, I am not angry.'
'You said . . .' He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. 'You said that
you began to love me. I believe it--but there is something that troubles
you and checks your feeling. What is it?'
'Yes--now or never!' thought she. 'He is bound to know of it anyway.
But now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it would be terrible!'
And she threw a loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She
loved him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart from the
Imperial dignity would not have preferred the Emperor to him.
'Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask what it is? It is
that I have loved before.'
She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was silent.
'You want to know who it was? It was--the Emperor.'
'We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the Institute . . .'
'No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed . . . I must tell you . . .'

'Well, what of it?'
'No, it was not simply--' She covered her face with her hands.
'What? You gave yourself to him?'
She was silent.
'His mistress?'
She did not answer.
He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as death.
He now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the Nevsky,
had amiably congratulated him.
'O God, what have I done! Stiva!'
'Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Oh, how it pains!'
He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother.
'What is the matter, Prince? I . . .' She became silent on seeing his face.
The blood had suddenly rushed to his head.
'You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren't a
woman . . . !' he cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside he
ran away.