Father Sergius | Page 2

even shed tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he

would serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul.
When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her
daughter first to Moscow and then to their country estate. Kasatsky
gave half his property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain
himself in the expensive regiment he had joined.
To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer of the
Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex strivings
went on within him. From early childhood his efforts had seemed to be
very varied, but essentially they were all one and the same. He tried in
everything he took up to attain such success and perfection as would
evoke praise and surprise. Whether it was his studies or his military
exercises, he took them up and worked at them till he was praised and
held up as an example to others. Mastering one subject he took up
another, and obtained first place in his studies. For example, while still
at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in French
conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke it as well as
Russian, and then he took up chess and became an excellent player.
Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar and
the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, and however
unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it and lived for it
until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was attained another aim
would immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor. This
passion for distinguishing himself, or for accomplishing something in
order to distinguish himself, filled his life. On taking up his
commission he set himself to acquire the utmost perfection in
knowledge of the service, and very soon became a model officer,
though still with the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here
in the service again led him to commit actions inimical to his success.
Then he took to reading, having once in conversation in society felt
himself deficient in general education--and again achieved his purpose.
Then, wishing to secure a brilliant position in high society, he learnt to
dance excellently and very soon was invited to all the balls in the best
circles, and to some of their evening gatherings. But this did not satisfy
him: he was accustomed to being first, and in this society was far from

being so.
The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, of four
sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, people not
wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich people who
ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people neither rich nor
belonging to the Court but who ingratiate themselves into the first and
second sets.
Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily welcomed
in the others. On entering society he determined to have relations with
some society lady, and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this
purpose. He soon realized, however, that the circles in which he moved
were not the highest, and that though he was received in the highest
spheres he did not belong to them. They were polite to him, but showed
by their whole manner that they had their own set and that he was not
of it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain that
end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor--which
he expected to become--or to marry into that exclusive set, which he
resolved to do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the Court,
who not merely belonged to the circle into which he wished to be
accepted, but whose friendship was coveted by the very highest people
and those most firmly established in that highest circle. This was
Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not
merely for the sake of his career. She was extremely attractive and he
soon fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably cool towards him,
but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her mother gave
him pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and was
accepted. He was surprised at the facility with which he attained such
happiness. But though he noticed something strange and unusual in the
behaviour towards him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by
being so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the whole town
knew--namely, that his fiancee had been the Emperor Nicholas's
mistress the previous year.
Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was at
Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee's country place. It was a hot day in May.

He and his betrothed had walked about the