Fannys First Play | Page 5

By the way [looking at
his watch] theyll be here presently.
THE COUNT. Before they come, Mr Savoyard, could you give me any
hints about them that would help me to make a little conversation with
them? I am, as you said, rather out of it in England; and I might
unwittingly say something tactless.
SAVOYARD. Well, let me see. As you dont like English people, I dont
know that youll get on with Trotter, because hes thoroughly English:
never happy except when hes in Paris, and speaks French so
unnecessarily well that everybody there spots him as an Englishman the
moment he opens his mouth. Very witty and all that. Pretends to turn

up his nose at the theatre and says people make too much fuss about art
[the Count is extremely indignant]. But thats only his modesty, because
art is his own line, you understand. Mind you dont chaff him about
Aristotle.
THE COUNT. Why should I chaff him about Aristotle?
SAVOYARD. Well, I dont know; but its one of the recognized ways of
chaffing him. However, youll get on with him all right: hes a man of
the world and a man of sense. The one youll have to be careful about is
Vaughan.
THE COUNT. In what way, may I ask?
SAVOYARD. Well, Vaughan has no sense of humor; and if you joke
with him he'll think youre insulting him on purpose. Mind: it's not that
he doesnt see a joke: he does; and it hurts him. A comedy scene makes
him sore all over: he goes away black and blue, and pitches into the
play for all hes worth.
THE COUNT. But surely that is a very serious defect in a man of his
profession?
SAVOYARD. Yes it is, and no mistake. But Vaughan is honest, and
dont care a brass farthing what he says, or whether it pleases anybody
or not; and you must have one man of that sort to say the things that
nobody else will say.
THE COUNT. It seems to me to carry the principle of division of labor
too far, this keeping of the honesty and the other qualities in separate
compartments. What is Mr Gunn's speciality, if I may ask?
SAVOYARD. Gunn is one of the intellectuals.
THE COUNT. But arnt they all intellectuals?
SAVOYARD. Lord! no: heaven forbid! You must be careful what you
say about that: I shouldnt like anyone to call me an Intellectual: I dont

think any Englishman would! They dont count really, you know; but
still it's rather the thing to have them. Gunn is one of the young
intellectuals: he writes plays himself. Hes useful because he pitches
into the older intellectuals who are standing in his way. But you may
take it from me that none of these chaps really matter. Flawner Bannal's
your man. Bannal really represents the British playgoer. When he likes
a thing, you may take your oath there are a hundred thousand people in
London thatll like it if they can only be got to know about it. Besides,
Bannal's knowledge of the theatre is an inside knowledge. We know
him; and he knows us. He knows the ropes: he knows his way about: he
knows what hes talking about.
THE COUNT. [with a little sigh] Age and experience, I suppose?
SAVOYARD. Age! I should put him at twenty at the very outside,
myself. It's not an old man's job after all, is it? Bannal may not ride the
literary high horse like Trotter and the rest; but I'd take his opinion
before any other in London. Hes the man in the street; and thats what
you want.
THE COUNT. I am almost sorry you didnt give the gentleman his full
terms. I should not have grudged the fifty guineas for a sound opinion.
He may feel shabbily treated.
SAVOYARD. Well, let him. It was a bit of side, his asking fifty. After
all, what is he? Only a pressman. Jolly good business for him to earn
ten guineas: hes done the same job often enough for half a quid, I
expect.
_Fanny O'Dowda comes precipitately through the curtains, excited and
nervous. A girl of nineteen in a dress synchronous with her father's._
FANNY. Papa, papa, the critics have come. And one of them has a
cocked hat and sword like a-- [she notices Savoyard] Oh, I beg your
pardon.
THE COUNT. This is Mr Savoyard, your impresario, my dear.

FANNY. [shaking hands] How do you do?
SAVOYARD. Pleased to meet you, Miss O'Dowda. The cocked hat is
all right. Trotter is a member of the new Academic Committee. He
induced them to go in for a uniform like the French Academy; and I
asked him to wear it.
THE FOOTMAN. [announcing] Mr Trotter, Mr Vaughan, Mr Gunn,
Mr Flawner