Fables For The Times | Page 3

mumbling along and jarred the whole country loose.
As the man picked himself out of the jumbled-up ruins into the dust-filled air, he encountered a lion who had lost his tail and his temper in the m��l��e.
"Well, where's your art now?" snarled the lion.[1]
"All in my eye, I reckon," answered the man, as he bathed his damaged optic.
[Illustration: The Appreciative Man.]

On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.
An ostrich, who was closely pursued by a hunter, suddenly thrust his head deep down into the sand.
"Ah! ah!" exulted the hunter, "I have the silly thing at last." He advanced to place a rope around the bird's legs; but the ostrich, who had accurately timed his arrival, landed a kick in the pit of his stomach that sent him into the hereafter like a bullet through a fog-bank.
IMMORAL:
"Umph," said the ostrich as he surveyed his victim, "because a man looks sad at the opening of a jack-pot, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's only got ace-high."
[Illustration: On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.]

The Idol and the Ass.
An ass felt it his duty to destroy superstition, so he went up to the brass idol in the market-place and gave it a vigorous kick.
A dog came to him as he lay groaning on the ground, nursing his broken leg, and said, "Well, did you prove anything?"
"Nothing," said the other. "Except that I am an ass."
Deductions to be drawn: Any old thing.
[Illustration: The Idol and the Ass.]

The Bee and Jupiter.
A Bee, the queen of all the hives, ascended to Olympus with a present of some super-refined honey for Jupiter.
The god was delighted with the honey, and in return offered to grant any request the Bee might make.
"Give to me, I pray, O Lord of the Heavens! a sting, that, small and weak as I am, I may not be defenceless against my enemies."
Jupiter was quite put out at this demand, as he knew the weapon would be used principally against mankind, whom he much loved. But a god's promise must be kept, so he said:
"It is granted you."
"Many thanks, most potent one!" cried the Bee, running the new-gained weapon in and out with much satisfaction.
Jupiter sternly cut short her thanks, and continued:
"In using this means of defense and offense you will imperil your own life, for the sting shall remain in the wound it makes and you shall die from the loss of it."
The Bee flew around for a moment, and then lit on the back of the god's neck.
"You will kindly reconsider that last clause," she said, "or," in a very meaning tone, "I die right here."
Jupiter felt a cold chill take its agitated way up his spinal column.
"All right," he said, hastily. "I don't want to be small about it. Have it your own way. Only please get off my neck!"
The Bee went joyously back to earth, humming a song of praise.
IMMORAL:
How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. Rosin the hands, take a long breath and Pull."
[Illustration: The Bee and Jupiter.]

The Lion and the Boar.
One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink.
"Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted.
IMMORAL:
Reform is just the thing for angels.
[Illustration: The Lion and the Boar.]

The Tiger and the Deer.
One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest with the other animals of the forest.
He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of language, assuring him of his undying affection.
"Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten seconds in even time.
IMMORAL:
It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters.
[Illustration: The Tiger and the Deer.]

The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.
An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. "What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the