Fables For The Times | Page 4

deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of

ten seconds in even time.
IMMORAL:
It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters.
[Illustration: The Tiger and the Deer.]

The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.
An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the
market-place. "What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a
passer-by. So the man put his boy on the ass and they went on. The
next person they met said it was a shame to see a boy ride while an old
man walked. The man lifted the boy off and got on himself. This also
excited adverse comment, and the man took the boy up behind him.
The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., and he upbraided them
both roundly, saying that they would better carry the ass than he them.
Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and carried him
between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the man
stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They
promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more
than eight times the value of the ass.
IMMORAL:
Hard luck cannot touch smooth people.
[Illustration: The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.]

The Shipwrecked Traveler.
A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the
coast of Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he
managed to near the shore where the cruel waves played with him like
a cat with a mouse. He would pull himself up the beach, half fainting,

and a great, dancing, hissing breaker would pounce upon him and drive
him back.
He called for help until the inhabitants espied him.
They came in a group, the women costumed as milkmaids and the men
as cavaliers.
After making about twenty feet the company stopped.
"Oh! save him, save him!" sang the soprano.
"Yes, yes! we will save him!" sang back the tenor.
Then everybody sang "Save him, save him; oh, yes, we will save him,
save him from the sea!!!"
The sopranos took a B flat on the last note, while the tenors and altos
rambled up and down the scale and the bassos bombarded the theme
with their deepest chest tones.
In the meantime the traveler had been washed out to sea. As the next
wave brought him to the strand the company advanced once more a
short distance, and began.
"In the name of Mercy, help me!" screamed the drowning man.
"Oh, hear his piteous cry," sang the tenors, and the prima donna
stepped out and sang a beautiful aria beginning "Now the cruel waves
advancing." After she had finished the bass got in front of the company.
He described how his strong arm had plucked the stranger from a
watery grave, and advanced to the beach to suit the action to the words.
But, alas! the traveler had given up the ghost several minutes before.
Then the company sang a miserere and went home to lunch.
IMMORAL:

The finest of Raphael's canvases would make a poor overcoat.
[Illustration: The Shipwrecked Traveler.]

The Discontented Woman.
A woman who was dissatisfied with her husband loudly petitioned Jove
to send her another. The god listened favorably to her petition and sent
her a demigod.
In less than a week the woman was bewailing her lot again, saying she
never cared for mixed goods anyhow, and that while the god-half of her
present husband might be all right, the man-half snored and chewed
tobacco. Jove, wearied by her ill-humored persistency, took back the
demi-god and sent her a man out of the Yellow Book for husband,
instead.
Up to the present writing the lady in question hasn't discovered where
she is at.
IMMORAL:
Hysterics and Art are only relations by marriage.
[Illustration: The Discontented Woman.]
[Footnote 1: (editorial note) This was corrected from the original,
which

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