Etiquette | Page 9

very just resentment that those from other and
more gracious cities hold against New Yorkers.
Everywhere else in the world (except London), the impulse of self-cultivation, if not the
more generous ones of consideration and hospitality, induces people of good breeding to
try and make the effort to find out what manner of mind, or experience, or talent, a
stranger has; and to remember, at least out of courtesy, anyone for whose benefit a friend
of theirs gave a dinner or luncheon. To fashionable New York, however, luncheon was at

one-thirty; at three there is something else occupying the moment--that is all.
Nearly all people of the Atlantic Coast dislike general introductions, and present people
to each other as little as possible. In the West, however, people do not feel comfortable in
a room full of strangers. Whether or not to introduce people therefore becomes not
merely a question of propriety, but of consideration for local custom.
=NEVER INTRODUCE UNNECESSARILY=
The question as to when introductions should be made, or not made, is one of the most
elusive points in the entire range of social knowledge. "Whenever necessary to bridge an
awkward situation," is a definition that is exact enough, but not very helpful or clear. The
hostess who allows a guest to stand, awkward and unknown, in the middle of her
drawing-room is no worse than she who pounces on every chance acquaintance and drags
unwilling victims into forced recognition of each other, everywhere and on all occasions.
The fundamental rule never to introduce unnecessarily brings up the question:
=WHICH ARE THE NECESSARY OCCASIONS?=
First, in order of importance, is the presentation of everyone to guests of honor, whether
the "guests" are distinguished strangers for whom a dinner is given, or a bride and groom,
or a débutante being introduced to society. It is the height of rudeness for anyone to go to
an entertainment given in honor of some one and fail to "meet" him. (Even though one's
memory is too feeble to remember him afterward!)
=INTRODUCTIONS AT A DINNER=
The host must always see that every gentleman either knows or is presented to the lady he
is to "take in" to dinner, and also, if possible, to the one who is to sit at the other side of
him. If the latter introduction is overlooked, people sitting next each other at table nearly
always introduce themselves. A gentleman says, "How do you do, Mrs. Jones. I am
Arthur Robinson." Or showing her his place card, "I have to introduce myself, this is my
name." Or the lady says first, "I am Mrs. Hunter Jones." And the man answers, "How do
you do, Mrs. Jones, my name is Titherington Smith."
It is not unusual, in New York, for those placed next each other to talk without
introducing themselves--particularly if each can read the name of the other on the place
cards.
=OTHER NECESSARY INTRODUCTIONS=
Even in New York's most introductionless circles, people always introduce:
A small group of people who are to sit together anywhere.
Partners at dinner.
The guests at a house party.

Everyone at a small dinner or luncheon.
The four who are at the same bridge table.
Partners or fellow-players in any game.
At a dance, when an invitation has been asked for a stranger, the friend who vouched for
him should personally present him to the hostess. "Mrs. Worldly, this is Mr. Robinson,
whom you said I might bring." The hostess shakes hands and smiles and says: "I am very
glad to see you, Mr. Robinson."
A guest in a box at the opera always introduces any gentleman who comes to speak to her,
to her hostess, unless the latter is engrossed in conversation with a visitor of her own, or
unless other people block the distance between so that an introduction would be forced
and awkward.
A newly arriving visitor in a lady's drawing-room is not introduced to another who is
taking leave. Nor is an animated conversation between two persons interrupted to
introduce a third. Nor is any one ever led around a room and introduced right and left.
If two ladies or young girls are walking together and they meet a third who stops to speak
to one of them, the other walks slowly on and does not stand awkwardly by and wait for
an introduction. If the third is asked by the one she knows, to join them, the sauntering
friend is overtaken and an introduction always made. The third, however, must not join
them unless invited to do so.
At a very large dinner, people (excepting the gentlemen and ladies who are to sit next to
each other at table) are not collectively introduced. After dinner, men in the smoking
room or left at table always talk to their neighbors whether