Etiquette | Page 8

meet you," etc., but often the
first remark is the beginning of a conversation. For instance,
Young Struthers is presented to Mrs. Worldly. She smiles and perhaps says, "I hear that
you are going to be in New York all winter?" Struthers answers, "Yes, I am at the
Columbia Law School," etc., or since he is much younger than she, he might answer,
"Yes, Mrs. Worldly," especially if his answer would otherwise be a curt yes or no.
Otherwise he does not continue repeating her name.
TAKING LEAVE OF ONE YOU HAVE JUST MET
After an introduction, when you have talked for some time to a stranger whom you have
found agreeable, and you then take leave, you say, "Good-by, I am very glad to have met
you," or "Good-by, I hope I shall see you again soon"--or "some time." The other person
answers, "Thank you," or perhaps adds, "I hope so, too." Usually "Thank you" is all that
is necessary.
In taking leave of a group of strangers--it makes no difference whether you have been
introduced to them or merely included in their conversation--you bow "good-by" to any
who happen to be looking at you, but you do not attempt to attract the attention of those
who are unaware that you are turning away.
=INTRODUCING ONE PERSON TO A GROUP=
This is never done on formal occasions when a great many persons are present. At a
small luncheon, for instance, a hostess always introduces her guests to one another.
Let us suppose you are the hostess: your position is not necessarily near, but it is toward
the door. Mrs. King is sitting quite close to you, Mrs. Lawrence also near. Miss Robinson
and Miss Brown are much farther away.
Mrs. Jones enters. You go a few steps forward and shake hands with her, then stand aside
as it were, for a second only, to see if Mrs. Jones goes to speak to any one. If she

apparently knows no one, you say,
"Mrs. King, do you know Mrs. Jones?" Mrs. King being close at hand (usually but not
necessarily) rises, shakes hands with Mrs. Jones and sits down again. If Mrs. King is an
elderly lady, and Mrs. Jones a young one, Mrs. King merely extends her hand and does
not rise. Having said "Mrs. Jones" once, you do not repeat it immediately, but turning to
the other lady sitting near you, you say, "Mrs. Lawrence," then you look across the room
and continue, "Miss Robinson, Miss Brown--Mrs. Jones!" Mrs. Lawrence, if she is young,
rises and shakes hands with Mrs. Jones, and the other two bow but do not rise.
At a very big luncheon you would introduce Mrs. Jones to Mrs. King and possibly to Mrs.
Lawrence, so that Mrs. Jones might have some one to talk to. But if other guests come in
at this moment, Mrs. Jones finds a place for herself and after a pause, falls naturally into
conversation with those she is next to, without giving her name or asking theirs.
A friend's roof is supposed to be an introduction to those it shelters. In Best Society this
is always recognized if the gathering is intimate, such as at a luncheon, dinner or house
party; but it is not accepted at a ball or reception, or any "general" entertainment. People
always talk to their neighbors at table whether introduced or not. It would be a breach of
etiquette not to! But if Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Norman merely spoke to each other for a few
moments, in the drawing-room, it is not necessary that they recognize each other
afterwards.
=NEW YORK'S BAD MANNERS=
New York's bad manners are often condemned and often very deservedly. Even though
the cause is carelessness rather than intentional indifference, the indifference is no less
actual and the rudeness inexcusable.
It is by no means unheard of that after sitting at table next to the guest of honor, a New
Yorker will meet her the next day with utter unrecognition. Not because the New Yorker
means to "cut" the stranger or feels the slightest unwillingness to continue the
acquaintance, but because few New Yorkers possess enthusiasm enough to make an
effort to remember all the new faces they come in contact with, but allow all those who
are not especially "fixed" in their attention, to drift easily out of mind and recognition. It
is mortifyingly true; no one is so ignorantly indifferent to everything outside his or her
own personal concern as the socially fashionable New Yorker, unless it is the Londoner!
The late Theodore Roosevelt was a brilliantly shining exception. And, of course, and
happily, there are other men and women like him in this. But there are also enough of the
snail-in-shell variety to give color to the