Etiquette | Page 5

the characters of this book are thoroughbred Americans,
representative of various sections of the country and free from the slightest tinge of
snobbery. Not all of them are even well-to-do, in the postwar sense; and their devices of
economy in household outlay, dress and entertainment are a revelation in the science of
ways and means. There are parents, children, relatives and friends all passing before us in
the pageant of life from the cradle to the grave. No circumstance, from an introduction to
a wedding, is overlooked in this panorama and the spectator has beside him a cicerone in
the person of the author who clears every doubt and answers every question. In course,
the conviction grows upon him that etiquette is no flummery of poseurs "aping the
manners of their betters," nor a code of snobs, who divide their time between licking the
boots of those above them and kicking at those below, but a system of rules of conduct
based on respect of self coupled with respect of others. Meanwhile, to guard against
conceit in his new knowledge, he may at odd moments recall Ben Jonson's lines:

"Nor stand so much on your gentility, Which is an airy, and mere borrowed thing, From
dead men's dust, and bones: And none of yours Except you make, or hold it."

=ETIQUETTE=
CHAPTER I
WHAT IS BEST SOCIETY?
"Society" is an ambiguous term; it may mean much or nothing. Every human
being--unless dwelling alone in a cave--is a member of society of one sort or another, and
therefore it is well to define what is to be understood by the term "Best Society" and why
its authority is recognized. Best Society abroad is always the oldest aristocracy;
composed not so much of persons of title, which may be new, as of those families and
communities which have for the longest period of time known highest cultivation. Our
own Best Society is represented by social groups which have had, since this is America,
widest rather than longest association with old world cultivation. Cultivation is always
the basic attribute of Best Society, much as we hear in this country of an "Aristocracy of
wealth."
To the general public a long purse is synonymous with high position--a theory dear to the
heart of the "yellow" press and eagerly fostered in the preposterous social functions of
screen drama. It is true that Best Society is comparatively rich; it is true that the hostess
of great wealth, who constantly and lavishly entertains, will shine, at least to the readers
of the press, more brilliantly than her less affluent sister. Yet the latter, through her
quality of birth, her poise, her inimitable distinction, is often the jewel of deeper water in
the social crown of her time.
The most advertised commodity is not always intrinsically the best, but is sometimes
merely the product of a company with plenty of money to spend on advertising. In the
same way, money brings certain people before the public--sometimes they are persons of
"quality," quite as often the so-called "society leaders" featured in the public press do not
belong to good society at all, in spite of their many published photographs and the
energies of their press-agents. Or possibly they do belong to "smart" society; but if too
much advertised, instead of being the "queens" they seem, they might more accurately be
classified as the court jesters of to-day.
=THE IMITATION AND THE GENUINE=
New York, more than any city in the world, unless it be Paris, loves to be amused,
thrilled and surprised all at the same time; and will accept with outstretched hand any one
who can perform this astounding feat. Do not underestimate the ability that can achieve it:
a scintillating wit, an arresting originality, a talent for entertaining that amounts to genius,
and gold poured literally like rain, are the least requirements.
Puritan America on the other hand demanding, as a ticket of admission to her Best

Society, the qualifications of birth, manners and cultivation, clasps her hands tight across
her slim trim waist and announces severely that New York's "Best" is, in her opinion,
very "bad" indeed. But this is because Puritan America, as well as the general public,
mistakes the jester for the queen.
As a matter of fact, Best Society is not at all like a court with an especial queen or king,
nor is it confined to any one place or group, but might better be described as an unlimited
brotherhood which spreads over the entire surface of the globe, the members of which are
invariably people of cultivation and worldly knowledge, who have not only perfect
manners but a perfect manner. Manners are made up of trivialities of deportment which
can be easily learned if one does not happen to know them; manner