Essays on the Stage | Page 7

thousand as fast as he can;
nay, scans and weighs 'em, and, no doubt, not without tickling
satisfaction, at the present, for all his Saturnine Remarks at last. Now if
his Answer to this is, That it belongs to his Office, as a Church-man,
and that he could not reprehend the Vices in 'em without reading the
Books themselves, I must tell him, That St. Cyprian, nor the rest of the
Fathers, did not allow that, neither do we find they did it themselves,
for all their inveighing against the Stage; so that he makes his own
Quotation altogether invalid, _He not being to do ill that good might
come of it._
And therefore, why may not a Poet now, who, perhaps, is a greater
Votary to St. Cyprian in other Matters than the Absolver is in this, rally
him thus, and turn his Quotation upon himself, Phrase by Phrase?
"What business has a Parson with such Books as these? A Parson who
has not the liberty so much as to think of an ill thing? Why does he
entertain himself with lewd Comedies? Has he a mind to discharge his
Priestcraft, and flesh himself up for a Poet? Yes, this is the
consequence, by using to see these smutty things, he'll learn to write
'em. What need I mention the Sham-Oaths, and looseness of Farce, or
the Fustian raving against the Gods in Tragedy, were these things really
unconcern'd with Idolatry, a Parson, of all Mankind, should not be
known to ogle them, for were they not highly Criminal, the foolery of
them is Egregious, and unbecoming the gravity of all that thump the
Cushion, or intend to thump a true Belief into the Pates of an
incorrigible Congregation."
And now methinks I see the Spiritual Critick, with a certain sallow

Male-contented Phiz, poring upon this Page, and sucking his
Ring-finger, gives himself an unpleasurable minute to Judge whether I
have paraphras'd right or no; well, all's one, fall back fall edge, I'm
resolv'd to bait him with St. Cyprian a little more. "A Parson has, or
should have, much better Books than Plays to look in; he has many
Authors of Pious and Solid Authorities to please, and improve himself
with, at the same time. Would a Parson be agreeably refresh'd, let him
read the Scriptures, let him find out Treatises of Morality, Meekness,
Charity, and holy Life, there the Entertainment will suit his Character.
Ah, Beloved, how noble, how moving, how profitable a pleasure would
it be to us, to see a Parson thus employ'd, to let the Stage's diversions
be too little for his grave Consideration, and be intent himself on the
glories of Heaven!" And here now, I do not at all question but the
Absolver, a little nettled at this last Parallel, will fall to biting of his
fingers again, his Righteous Spirit being offended at my Insolence, in
scribling the Word Parson so oft, it being a Nickname, and only
invented by some idle fellow, who resolv'd to use the Order with no
more respect. Why truly, I confess, in this Case, Modesty is a little
gravell'd, but then she may thank him for it, for he has dignify'd the
Poets with so many _Hell-defying_, _deep-mouth'd Swearing_,
Relapsing, _Witch-riding Titles_, that the worthy Ministry cannot
reasonably be angry, especially when the Word is only meant to him,
whom I shall prove has lessen'd the true Title, by his Immorality and
Hypocrisie, more than ever the Poets did the Reputation of the Stage,
by their Time-serving Loosenesses and Licentious Diversions.
It is, no doubt, a considerable Maim to us, in some Peoples opinions,
who never digested the benefits arising from the Stage in its Moral
Representations, that this smarting Lash is given us by a Clergy-man of
the Church of England, that is, good friends, if he be so, for some
Judicious Heads are not resolv'd in that Affirmative--but let that be
_discuss'd_ in another place, I'm sure, if he is, _Obedience to
Government, in the first place, should be his principal Tenet_; and
whether that is a part of the _Absolver_'s Character, I think has
sufficiently appear'd. But let him be what he will, I shall now take the
pleasure to inform those People, that but few years since, we had a Man
of Wit and Learning, that wore the Gown, and as true a Son of the

Church as she could possibly breed; that was intirely devoted a
Champion in our Cause, and Asserted the Rights of the Stage with
Success and Applause; and whoever will but look back a little, and
incline his Eyes towards the delectable River Cam, may Encounter the
fam'd Wit of that University, the Ingenious Mr. Thomas Randolph, who
in one of his great many admirable Pieces, call'd the