Entire Gutenberg Twain Texts | Page 4

Mark Twain

CHAPTER XXIV.
Down Through Italy by Rail--Idling in Florence--Dante and Galileo--An Ungrateful
City--Dazzling Generosity--Wonderful Mosaics--The Historical Arno--Lost
Again--Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready--The Leaning Tower of Pisa--The
Ancient Duomo--The Old Original First Pendulum that Ever Swung--An Enchanting
Echo--A New Holy Sepulchre--A Relic of Antiquity--A Fallen Republic--At Leghorn--At
Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the Ship--Our Vessel an Object of Grave
Suspicion--Garibaldi Visited--Threats of Quarantine

CHAPTER XXV.
The Works of Bankruptcy--Railway Grandeur--How to Fill an Empty Treasury--The
Sumptuousness of Mother Church--Ecclesiastical Splendor-- Magnificence and
Misery--General Execration--More Magnificence A Good Word for the Priests--Civita
Vecchia the Dismal--Off for Rome

CHAPTER XXVI.
The Modern Roman on His Travels--The Grandeur of St. Peter's--Holy Relics --Grand
View from the Dome--The Holy Inquisition--Interesting Old Monkish Frauds--The
Ruined Coliseum--The Coliseum in the Days of its Prime-- Ancient Playbill of a
Coliseum Performance--A Roman Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old

CHAPTER XXVII.
"Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday"--The Man who Never Complained-- An
Exasperating Subject--Asinine Guides--The Roman Catacombs The Saint Whose Fervor
Burst his Ribs--The Miracle of the Bleeding Heart --The Legend of Ara Coeli

CHAPTER XXVIII.
Picturesque Horrors--The Legend of Brother Thomas--Sorrow Scientifically
Analyzed--A Festive Company of the Dead--The Great Vatican Museum Artist Sins of
Omission--The Rape of the Sabines--Papal Protection of Art--High Price of "Old
Masters"--Improved Scripture--Scale of Rank of the Holy Personages in Rome--Scale of
Honors Accorded Them--- Fossilizing--Away for Naples

CHAPTER XXIX.
Naples--In Quarantine at Last--Annunciation--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius--A Two Cent
Community--The Black Side of Neapolitan Character--Monkish Miracles--Ascent of
Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Stranger and the Hackman--Night View of Naples from
the Mountain-side---Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued

CHAPTER XXX.
Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--Beautiful View at Dawn--Less Beautiful in the
Back Streets--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--Dwellings a Hundred Feet High--A Motley
Procession--Bill of Fare for a Peddler's Breakfast--Princely Salaries--Ascent of Vesuvius
Continued--An Average of Prices--The wonderful "Blue Grotto"--Visit to Celebrated
Localities in the Bay of Naples--The Poisoned "Grotto of the Dog"--A Petrified Sea of
Lava--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Summit Reached--Description of the
Crater--Descent of Vesuvius

CHAPTER XXXI.
The Buried City of Pompeii--How Dwellings Appear that have been Unoccupied for
Eighteen hundred years--The Judgment Seat--Desolation--The Footprints of the
Departed--"No Women Admitted"--Theatres, Bakeshops, Schools--Skeletons preserved
by the Ashes and Cinders--The Brave Martyr to Duty--Rip Van Winkle--The Perishable
Nature of Fame

CHAPTER XXXII.
At Sea Once More--The Pilgrims all Well--Superb Stromboli--Sicily by
Moonlight--Scylla and Charybdis--The "Oracle" at Fault--Skirting the Isles of Greece
Ancient Athens--Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused Permission to Enter--Running
the Blockade--A Bloodless Midnight Adventure--Turning Robbers from
Necessity--Attempt to Carry the Acropolis by Storm--We Fail--Among the Glories of the
Past--A World of Ruined Sculpture--A Fairy Vision--Famous Localities--Retreating in
Good Order --Captured by the Guards--Travelling in Military State--Safe on Board Again

CHAPTER XXXIII.
Modern Greece--Fallen Greatness--Sailing Through the Archipelago and the
Dardanelles--Footprints of History--The First Shoddy Contractor of whom History gives
any Account--Anchored Before Constantinople--Fantastic Fashions--The Ingenious
Goose-Rancher--Marvelous Cripples--The Great Mosque--The Thousand and One
Columns--The Grand Bazaar of Stamboul

CHAPTER XXXIV.
Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey--Slave-Girl Market Report--Commercial Morality at a

Discount--The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople-- Questionable Delights of
Newspaperdom in Turkey--Ingenious Italian Journalism--No More Turkish Lunches
Desired--The Turkish Bath Fraud-- The Narghileh Fraud--Jackplaned by a Native--The
Turkish Coffee Fraud

CHAPTER XXXV.
Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea--"Far-Away Moses"-- Melancholy
Sebastopol--Hospitably Received in Russia--Pleasant English People--Desperate
Fighting--Relic Hunting--How Travellers Form "Cabinets"

CHAPTER XXXVI.
Nine Thousand Miles East--Imitation American Town in Russia--Gratitude that Came
Too Late--To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias

CHAPTER XXXVII.
Summer Home of Royalty--Practising for the Dread Ordeal--Committee on Imperial
Address--Reception by the Emperor and Family--Dresses of the Imperial
Party--Concentrated Power--Counting the Spoons--At the Grand Duke's--A Charming
Villa--A Knightly Figure--The Grand Duchess--A Grand Ducal Breakfast--Baker's Boy,
the Famine-Breeder--Theatrical Monarchs a Fraud--Saved as by Fire--The
Governor--General's Visit to the Ship-- Official "Style"--Aristocratic
Visitors--"Munchausenizing" with Them-- Closing Ceremonies

CHAPTER XXXVIII.
Return to Constantinople--We Sail for Asia--The Sailors Burlesque the Imperial
Visitors--Ancient Smyrna--The "Oriental Splendor" Fraud-- The "Biblical Crown of
Life"--Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans--Sociable Armenian Girls--A Sweet
Reminiscence--"The Camels are Coming, Ha-ha!"

CHAPTER XXXIX.
Smyrna's Lions--The Martyr Polycarp--The "Seven Churches"--Remains of the Six
Smyrnas--Mysterious Oyster Mine Oysters--Seeking Scenery--A Millerite Tradition--A

Railroad Out of its Sphere

CHAPTER XL.
Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus--Ancient Ayassalook--The Villanous Donkey--A
Fantastic Procession--Bygone Magnificence--Fragments of History--The Legend of the
Seven Sleepers

CHAPTER XLI.
Vandalism Prohibited--Angry Pilgrims--Approaching Holy Land!--The "Shrill Note of
Preparation"--Distress About Dragomans and Transportation-- The "Long Route"
Adopted--In Syria--Something about Beirout--A Choice Specimen of a Greek
"Ferguson"--Outfits--Hideous Horseflesh--Pilgrim "Style"--What of Aladdin's Lamp?

CHAPTER XLII.
"Jacksonville," in the Mountains of Lebanon--Breakfasting above a Grand
Panorama--The Vanished City--The Peculiar Steed, "Jericho"--The Pilgrims
Progress--Bible Scenes--Mount Hermon, Joshua's Battle Fields, etc.-- The Tomb of
Noah--A Most Unfortunate People

CHAPTER XLIII.
Patriarchal Customs--Magnificent Baalbec--Description of the Ruins-- Scribbling Smiths
and Joneses--Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law --The Revered Fountain of
Baalam's Ass
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