Droll Stories, vol 2 | Page 9

well
at Pique hardie, saying not a word, but each one taking at least
twenty-six sols worth of the girl's society. Although not accustomed to
work for so many, the poor girl did her best, and by this means never
closed her eyes the whole night. In the morning, seeing the soldiers
were fast asleep, she rose happy at bearing no marks of the sharp
skirmish, and although slightly fatigued, managed to get across the
fields into the open country with her thirty sols. On the route to Picardy,
she met one of her friends, who, like herself, wished to try service in
Paris, and was hurrying thither, and seeing her, asked her what sort of
places they were.
"'Ah! Perrine; do not go. You want to be made of iron, and even if you
were it would soon be worn away,' was the answer.
"Now, big-belly of Burgundy," said he, giving his neighbour a hearty
slap, "spit out your story or pay!"
"By the queen of Antlers!" replied the Burgundian, "by my faith, by the
saints, by God! and by the devil, I know only stories of the Court of
Burgundy, which are only current coin in our own land."
"Eh, ventre Dieu! are we not in the land of Beauffremont?" cried the
other, pointing to the empty goblets.
"I will tell you, then, an adventure well known at Dijon, which
happened at the time I was in command there, and was worth being
written down. There was a sergeant of justice named Franc-Taupin,
who was an old lump of mischief, always grumbling, always fighting;
stiff and starchy, and never comforting those he was leading to the
hulks, with little jokes by the way; and in short, he was just the man to

find lice in bald heads, and bad behaviour in the Almighty. This said
Taupin, spurned by every one, took unto himself a wife, and by chance
he was blessed with one as mild as the peel of an onion, who, noticing
the peculiar humour of her husband, took more pains to bring joy to his
house than would another to bestow horns upon him. But although she
was careful to obey him in all things, and to live at peace would have
tried to excrete gold for him, had God permitted it, this man was
always surly and crabbed, and no more spared his wife blows, than
does a debtor promises to the bailiff's man. This unpleasant treatment
continuing in spite of the carefulness and angelic behaviour of the poor
woman, she being unable to accustom herself to it, was compelled to
inform her relations, who thereupon came to the house. When they
arrived, the husband declared to them that his wife was an idiot, that
she displeased him in every possible way, and made his life almost
unbearable; that she would wake him out of his first sleep, never came
to the door when he knocked, but would leave him out in the rain and
the cold, and that the house was always untidy. His garments were
buttonless, his laces wanted tags. The linen was spoiling, the wine
turning sour, the wood damp, and the bed was always creaking at
unreasonable moments. In short, everything was going wrong. To this
tissue of falsehoods, the wife replied by pointing to the clothes and
things, all in a state of thorough repair. Then the sergeant said that he
was very badly treated, that his dinner was never ready for him, or if it
was, the broth was thin or the soup cold, either the wine or the glasses
were forgotten, the meat was without gravy or parsley, the mustard had
turned, he either found hairs in the dish or the cloth was dirty and took
away his appetite, indeed nothing did she ever get for him that was to
his liking. The wife, astonished, contented herself with stoutly denying
the fault imputed to her. 'Ah,' said he, 'you dirty hussy! You deny it, do
you! Very well then, my friends, you come and dine here to-day, you
shall be witnesses of her misconduct. And if she can for once serve me
properly, I will confess myself wrong in all I have stated, and will
never lift my hand against her again, but will resign to her my halberd
and my breeches, and give her full authority here.'
"'Oh, well,' said she, joyfully, 'I shall then henceforth be both wife and
mistress!'

"Then the husband, confident of the nature and imperfections of his
wife, desired that the dinner should be served under the vine arbor,
thinking that he would be able to shout at her if she did not hurry
quickly enough from the table to the pantry. The good housewife set to
work with a will. The plates were