Dialogues of the Dead | Page 7

mob are very different
things.
Swift.--Ay, so you fellows that have no genius for politics may suppose;
but there are times when, by seasonably putting himself at the head of
the mob, an able man may get to the head of the nation. Nay, there are
times when the nation itself is a mob, and ought to be treated as such by
a skilful observer.
Addison.--I don't deny the truth of your proposition; but is there no
danger that, from the natural vicissitudes of human affairs, the favourite
of the mob should be mobbed in his turn?
Swift.--Sometimes there may, but I risked it, and it answered my
purpose. Ask the lord-lieutenants, who were forced to pay court to me

instead of my courting them, whether they did not feel my superiority.
And if I could make myself so considerable when I was only a dirty
Dean of St. Patrick's, without a seat in either House of Parliament, what
should I have done if Fortune had placed me in England,
unencumbered with a gown, and in a situation that would have enabled
me to make myself heard in the House of Lords or of Commons?
Addison.--You would undoubtedly have done very marvellous acts!
Perhaps you might then have been as zealous a Whig as my Lord
Wharton himself; or, if the Whigs had unhappily offended the
statesman as they did the doctor, who knows whether you might not
have brought in the Pretender? Pray let me ask you one question
between you and me: If your great talents had raised you to the office
of first minister under that prince, would you have tolerated the
Protestant religion or not?
Swift.--Ha! Mr. Secretary, are you witty upon me? Do you think,
because Sunderland took a fancy to make you a great man in the state,
that he, or his master, could make you as great in wit as Nature made
me? No, no; wit is like grace, it must be given from above. You can no
more get that from the king than my lords the bishops can the other.
And, though I will own you had some, yet believe me, my good friend,
it was no match for mine. I think you have not vanity enough in your
nature to pretend to a competition in that point with me.
Addison.--I have been told by my friends that I was rather too modest,
so I will not determine this dispute for myself, but refer it to Mercury,
the god of wit, who fortunately happens to be coming this way with a
soul he has brought to the Shades.
Hail, divine Hermes! A question of precedence in the class of wit and
humour, over which you preside, having arisen between me and my
countryman, Dr. Swift, we beg leave--
Mercury.--Dr. Swift, I rejoice to see you. How does my old lad? How
does honest Lemuel Gulliver? Have you been in Lilliput lately, or in
the Flying Island, or with your good nurse Glumdalclitch? Pray when
did you eat a crust with Lord Peter? Is Jack as mad still as ever? I hear

that since you published the history of his case the poor fellow, by
more gentle usage, is almost got well. If he had but more food he would
be as much in his senses as Brother Martin himself; but Martin, they
tell me, has lately spawned a strange brood of Methodists, Moravians,
Hutchinsonians, who are madder than ever Jack was in his worst days.
It is a great pity you are not alive again to make a new edition of your
"Tale of the Tub" for the use of these fellows. Mr. Addison, I beg your
pardon; I should have spoken to you sooner, but I was so struck with
the sight of my old friend the doctor, that I forgot for a time the
respects due to you.
Swift.--Addison, I think our dispute is decided before the judge has
heard the cause.
Addison.--I own it is in your favour, but--
Mercury.--Don't be discouraged, friend Addison. Apollo perhaps would
have given a different judgment. I am a wit, and a rogue, and a foe to
all dignity. Swift and I naturally like one another. He worships me
more than Jupiter, and I honour him more than Homer; but yet, I assure
you, I have a great value for you. Sir Roger de Coverley, Will
Honeycomb, Will Wimble, the Country Gentleman in the Freeholder,
and twenty more characters, drawn with the finest strokes of unaffected
wit and humour in your admirable writings, have obtained for you a
high place in the class of my authors, though not quite so high a one as
the Dean of St. Patrick's. Perhaps you might have got before him if the
decency of your nature and the