Debts of Honor | Page 3

and has received a promise of being taken to the country.
We had a beautiful and pleasant country property, not far from town;
my brother was as fond as I was of being there. Mother and
grandmother never came with us. Why, we knew not; they said they did
not like the country. We were indeed surprised at this. Not to like the
country--to wander in the fields, on flowery meadows; to breathe the
precious perfumed air; to gather round one the beautiful, sagacious, and
useful domestic animals? Can there be any one in the world who does
not love that? Child, I know there is none.
My brother was all excitement for the chase. How he would enter forest
and reeds! what beautiful green-necked wild duck he would shoot. How
many multi-colored birds' eggs he would bring home to me.
"I will go with you, too," I said.

"No; some ill might befall you. You can remain at home in the garden
to angle in the brook, and catch tiny little fishes."
"And we shall cook them for dinner." What a splendid idea! Long, long
we remained awake; first Lorand, then I, was struck by some idea
which had to be mentioned; and so each prevented the other from
sleeping. Oh! how great the gladness that awaited us on the morrow!
Late in the night a noise as of fire arms awoke me. It is true that I
always dreamed of guns. I had seen Lorand at the chase, and feared he
would shoot himself.
"What have you shot, Lorand?" I asked half asleep.
"Remain quite still," said my brother, who was lying in the bed near me,
and had risen at the noise. "I shall see what has happened outside."
With these words he went out.
Several rooms divided our bedroom from that of our parents. I heard no
sound except the opening of doors here and there.
Soon Lorand returned. He told me merely to sleep on peacefully--a
high wind had risen and had slammed to a window that had remained
open; the glass was all broken into fragments; that had caused the great
noise.
And therewith he proceeded to dress.
"Why are you dressing?"
"Well, the broken window must be mended with something to prevent
the draught coming in; it is in mother's bedroom. You can sleep on
peacefully."
Then he placed his hand on my head, and that hand was like ice.
"Is it cold outside, Lorand?"
"No."

"Then why does your hand tremble so?"
"True; it is very cold. Sleep on, little Desi."
As he went out he left an intermediate door open for a moment; and in
that moment the sound of mother's laughter reached my ears. That
well-known ringing sweet voice, that indicates those naïve women who
among their children are themselves the greatest children.
What could cause mother to laugh so loudly at this late hour of the
night? Because the window was broken? At that time I did not yet
know that there is a horrible affliction which attacks women with
agonies of hell, and amidst these heart-rending agonies forces them to
laugh incessantly.
I comforted myself with what my brother had said, and forcibly buried
my head in my pillow that I might compel myself to fall asleep.
It was already late in the morning when I awoke again. This time also
my brother had awakened me. He was already quite dressed.
My first thought was of our visit to the country.
"Is the carriage already here? Why did you not wake me earlier? Why,
you are actually dressed!"
I also immediately hastened to get up, and began to dress; my brother
helped me, and answered not a word to my constant childish prattling.
He was very serious, and often gazed in directions where there was
nothing to be seen.
"Some one has annoyed you, Lorand?"
My brother did not reply, only drew me to his side and combed my hair.
He gazed at me incessantly with a sad expression.
"Has some evil befallen you, Lorand?"
No sign, even of the head, of assent or denial; he merely tied my

neckerchief quietly into a bow.
We disputed over the coat I should wear; I wished to put on a blue one.
Lorand, on the contrary, wished me to wear a dark green one.
I resisted him.
"Why, we are going to the country! There the blue doublet will be just
the thing. Why don't you give it to me? Because you have none like it!"
Lorand said nothing; he merely looked at me with those great
reproachful eyes of his. It was enough for me. I allowed him to dress
me in the dark green coat. And yet I would continually grumble about
it.
"Why, you are dressing me as if we