David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating - Attraction Isnt A Choice | Page 9

myself and have enjoyed some great times as a
result.
However, if you don't learn how to a woman feel ATTRACTED to you at
the VERY BEGINNING, then you are taking a HUGE risk. You’re going to
invest your time, effort, energy, emotions, gifts, money, and life pursuing
someone who may not or may never feel the same way about you.
If, on the other hand, you master the art of making women feel that GUT
LEVEL ATTRACTION by using your personality and communication, then you
won't be GAMBLING as much when it comes to women and relationships.
You’ll be able to choose when you get into relationships.
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From The Mailbag
"Dear David...
I'm a 37-year-old guy, not bad looking, dress pretty well,
nothing in the way of great detractors in my habits that I can
tell. Growing up in a liberal town of liberal-minded, feminist
parents, where most conversations were matter-of-fact and

::: 25 :::
„2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo
direct, very little teasing occurred, etc. it's been hard trying
to lose my matter-of-fact approach to talking to women and gain
this bad-boy-ish attitude you talk about in your book. It is
the complete antithesis to much of who I see myself as. That
said, I still want to give it a try, since being a natural
Sensitive Guy (although not a pushover) hasn't given me the huge
success I'd like.
My problem comes from my age. Most of the women from 28 up
that I meet all want to get married pretty soon, and seem to
assess me as husband material rather than sexy-man material. My
friends say "Well, why don't you just date younger women?"
As if it were that easy!
I want to approach tons of women (despite the fear I feel at
each approach if it doesn't already feel like a natural
opportunity to me). I have a strong sense, though, that a 37-
year-old guy approaching a 23-year-old girl (or anyone under 28,
say) would be looked on with suspicion by the girl, especially
since I'm nobody famous or rich or whatever. It's like it's
already a giant stroke against me, adding to the already huge
one I feel I have being this naturally considerate, even-handed,
egalitarian sort of guy.
I couldn't find it in your book, but have you honestly seen
guys my age do just as well with the younger girls as guys in
their 20s? I'd find that hard to believe; you always hear
younger girls talking about "creepy older guys" (even if those
guys aren't noticeably creepy -- the mere fact that they're
approaching the younger girls seems to freak them out). What do
you think about this?
-B."
MY COMMENTS: First of all, you're not alone. I know that there
are a lot of other men out there who are thinking "I'm a nice,
stable, intelligent guy... and I should be able to attract
women."
You must realize that women don't really care if you're a
nice guy. "Nice" doesn't light up their emotions and make them
feel A GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION. What DOES make them feel it? You
guessed it... teasing, humor, unpredictable behavior, and that
magical combination of cocky and funny.

::: 26 :::
„2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo
I heard a great theory once: Too many of us men were raised
by our MOTHERS, and not our fathers. Or, we were raised in a
household where our mothers dominated our fathers. In either
case, we learned how to attract a MOTHER, not how to attract a
LOVER.
Do yourself a favor, and think for a moment about what it
would be like to be an attractive woman in your mid 20s who is
approached all the time by "nice" guys that want to take you out
and bore you with conversation about the news and weather. Now
ask yourself: "What kind of guy would instantly get my attention
and cause me to feel an attraction to him?"
I have a lot of guys write me to say "I know this girl who's
beautiful and smart and attractive. She and I are great friends,
we have everything in common, and we get along perfectly... but
she says that she's just not attracted to me..." Have you ever
noticed that:
The most attractive and interesting women seem to be
attracted to men who don't treat them very well?
1. That the "nicer" you are to a woman the more she often
seems to act like "just a friend" to you?
What's going on here? Didn't mom say to be "nice" to girls?
Here's the deal: Women aren't usually romantically attracted to
"nice" guys. Women are attracted to men who are funny,
confident, and mysterious. Good looks don't hurt,