Dating and Falling in Love | Page 4

healing.” What about you, Scott?

SCOTT: Well, my two words would be
“Compassion, and empathy.” This is a great
exercise because you can go on and on, and
say, "Well, what are two more?" And you
begin to get to know each other at deeper
levels.

SHANNON: It's very revealing. I feel another
thing we did in these fireside discussions was
a lot of acknowledging. As we went along we
had deep discussions about our values,
about who we are, what's important to each
of us. Even if we went to a movie, we came
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back to my place and discussed the movie,
"What did you feel about it? What did you
most like about it?" This is a wonderful way
to acknowledge someone.

In our acknowledgments, we were learning
many things about each other that we really
liked. We became very good at bringing each
other out and emphasizing positive
acknowledgment. And let me tell you, it felt
great to be acknowledged.

SCOTT: Here's another very potent question.
On a date or anytime you can ask, "What's
going on in your heart right now?" That may
seem like a very forward question to ask
somebody, but it's a loving question that
says, "I want to know who you are.”
The third stage of dating and falling in love is
to relish the courtship.

SHANNON: You know, one of the things that
would get in the way of happy times together
is the pressure, pressing to know, "Is this the
one?" That pressure harasses the
relationship. And the relationship feels it. It
adds stress and tension to push towards a
conclusion, when it is forced before it
becomes revealed in a natural way. It also is
not healthy.

I think of a new relationship much like a
spring garden, where everything's been
planted and it needs time in the sun. It needs
time to drink in the water. It needs time to
take in the fresh air, and to gain the
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nutrients from the soil. Just like budding
gardens, relationships need time to grow in a
natural way and protection from stress.

SCOTT: We want to look back on our dating
as the most wonderful experience of our lives,
not as a struggle or emotionally painful. I
think one of the keys, Shannon, that
certainly occurred in our relationship, in our
dating, was to go at the pace of the slowest
person. This is unselfish. This is really
wanting what's best for each other.

SHANNON: This is so key, because I think
again, this would add pressure. And Scott,
you were an angel in our relationship
because you were the faster one, and I was
the slower one. How in the world did you
handle it?

SCOTT: Well, it wasn't too hard. I knew I
loved you right from the beginning. And I
thought, “Well, I want what's best for you.“
And I realized you needed time. You weren't
sure quite what was going to unfold in our
relationship. I just enjoyed the friendship. I
realized I would hang in there for eternity,
waiting to help you see, to find out, “Is this
right for both of us?” But I didn't want you to
feel pressured because that really wouldn't be
who I was, or the love that we both deserved.

SHANNON: I really felt you holding the space
for me while I contained our relationship
fully, and more fully. And I never felt
pressure from you, such as, "Well, I'm
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waiting. I'm waiting to know!" You never
pressed me. I really admired that so much

SCOTT: And I didn't feel like I was being
strung along. That's a concern that people
have sometimes. I was in touch because of
our decision to be honest and open. I knew
what was going on in your thoughts, and I
honored and accepted that.

SHANNON: I thought it was very unusual
too, your attitude of willingness to hang in
there without knowing, and without being
guaranteed of any result of the outcome. You
had to handle face the fear of losing me. It
must have been hard for you.

SCOTT: Well, this is the idea of being best
friends. Today we're still best friends. And if
you look at the best relationships on the
planet earth, at the heart of these
relationships is great friendship. And it's got
to begin at the start of a relationship.

SHANNON: That was