Count Fathom, part 2 | Page 6

the earth, that in walking his body described at least 150
degrees of a circle. The want of stockings and shoes he supplied with a
jockey straight boot and an half jack. His thighs and middle were cased
in a monstrous pair of brown trunk breeches, which the keeper bought
for his use from the executor of a Dutch seaman who had lately died in
the jail. His shirt retained no signs of its original colour, his body was
shrouded in an old greasy tattered plaid nightgown; a blue and white
handkerchief surrounded his head, and his looks betokened that
immense load of care which he had voluntarily incurred for the eternal
salvation of sinners. Yet this figure, uncouth as it was, made his
compliments to our adventurer in terms of the most elegant address,
and, in the course of conversation, disclosed a great fund of valuable
knowledge. He had appeared in the great world, and borne divers
offices of dignity and trust with universal applause. His courage was
undoubted, his morals were unimpeached, and his person held in great
veneration and esteem; when his evil genius engaged him in the study
of Hebrew, and the mysteries of the Jewish religion, which fairly
disordered his brain, and rendered him incapable of managing his
temporal affairs. When he ought to have been employed in the
functions of his post, he was always wrapt in visionary conferences

with Moses on the Mount; rather than regulate the economy of his
household, he chose to exert his endeavours in settling the precise
meaning of the word Elohim; and having discovered that now the
period was come, when the Jews and Gentiles would be converted, he
postponed every other consideration, in order to facilitate that great and
glorious event.
By this time Ferdinand had seen every member of the club, except the
French chevalier, who seemed to be quite neglected by the society; for
his name was not once mentioned during this communication, and they
sat down to dinner, without asking whether he was dead or alive. The
king regaled himself with a plate of ox-cheek; the major, who
complained that his appetite had forsaken him, amused himself with
some forty hard eggs, malaxed with salt butter; the knight indulged
upon his soup and bouilli, and the captain entertained our adventurer
with a neck of veal roasted with potatoes; but before Fathom could
make use of his knife and fork, he was summoned to the door, where he
found the chevalier in great agitation, his eyes sparkling like coals of
fire.
Our hero was not a little surprised at this apparition, who, having asked
pardon for the freedom he had used, observed, that, understanding the
Count was a foreigner, he could not dispense with appealing to him
concerning an outrage he had suffered from the keeper, who, without
any regard to his rank or misfortunes, had been base enough to refuse
him credit for a few necessaries, until he could have a remittance from
his steward in France; he therefore conjured Count Fathom, as a
stranger and nobleman like himself, to be the messenger of defiance,
which he resolved to send to that brutal jailor, that, for the future, he
might learn to make proper distinctions in the exercise of his function.
Fathom, who had no inclination to offend this choleric Frenchman,
assured him that he might depend upon his friendship; and, in the
meantime, prevailed upon him to accept of a small supply, in
consequence of which he procured a pound of sausages, and joined the
rest of the company without delay; making a very suitable addition to
such an assemblage of rarities. Though his age did not exceed thirty

years, his beard, which was of a brindled hue, flowed down, like
Aaron's, to his middle. Upon his legs he wore red stockings rolled up
over the joint of the knee, his breeches were of blue drab, with vellum
button-holes, and garters of gold lace, his waistcoat of scarlet, his coat
of rusty black cloth, his hair, twisted into a ramilie, hung down to his
rump, of the colour of jet, and his hat was adorned with a white feather.
This original had formed many ingenious schemes to increase the glory
and grandeur of France, but was discouraged by Cardinal Fleury, who,
in all appearance, jealous of his great talents, not only rejected his
projects, but even sent him to prison, on pretence of being offended at
his impertinence. Perceiving that, like the prophet, he had no honour in
his own country, he no sooner obtained his release, than he retired to
England, where he was prompted by his philanthropy to propose an
expedient to our ministry, which would have saved a vast effusion of
blood and treasure; this was an agreement between the Queen of