Comic History of the United States | Page 3

economize and go without cigars or wine, in less than two hundred
years he would have saved enough to fit Columbus out.
A few weeks later he had saved one hundred and fifty dollars in this
way. The queen then went at twilight and pawned a large breastpin, and,
although her chest was very sensitive to cold, she went without it all the

following winter, in order that Columbus might discover America
before immigration set in here.
Too much cannot be said of the heroism of Queen Isabella and the
courage of her convictions. A man would have said, under such
circumstances, that there would be no sense in discovering a place that
was not popular. Why discover a place when it is so far out of the way?
Why discover a country with no improvements? Why discover a
country that is so far from the railroad? Why discover, at great expense,
an entirely new country?
But Isabella did not stop to listen to these croaks. In the language of the
Honorable Jeremiah M. Rusk, "She seen her duty and she done it." That
was Isabella's style.
Columbus now began to select steamer-chairs and rugs. He had already
secured the Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria, and on the 3d of August,
1492, he sailed from Palos.
Isabella brought him a large bunch of beautiful flowers as he was about
to sail, and Ferdinand gave him a nice yachting-cap and a spicy French
novel to read on the road.
He was given a commission as viceroy or governor of all the lands he
might discover, with hunting and shooting privileges on same.
[Illustration: COLUMBUS'S STEAMER-CHAIR.]
He stopped several weeks at the Canary Islands, where he and his one
hundred and twenty men rested and got fresh water. He then set out
sailing due west over an unknown sea to blaze the way for liberty.
Soon, however, his men began to murmur. They began also to pick on
Columbus and occupy his steamer-chair when he wanted to use it
himself. They got to making chalk-marks on the deck and compelling
him to pay a shilling before he could cross them. Some claimed that
they were lost and that they had been sailing around for over a week in
a circle, one man stating that he recognized a spot in the sea that they

had passed eight times already.
Finally they mutinied, and started to throw the great navigator
overboard, but he told them that if they would wait until the next
morning he would tell them a highly amusing story that he heard just
before he left Palos.
Thus his life was saved, for early in the morning the cry of "Land ho!"
was heard, and America was discovered.
A saloon was at once started, and the first step thus taken towards the
foundation of a republic. From that one little timid saloon, with its
family entrance, has sprung the magnificent and majestic machine
which, lubricated with spoils and driven by wind, gives to every
American to-day the right to live under a Government selected for him
by men who make that their business.
Columbus discovered America several times after the 12th of October,
1492, and finally, while prowling about looking for more islands,
discovered South America near the mouth of the Orinoco.
He was succeeded as governor by Francisco de Bobadilla, who sent
him back finally in chains. Thus we see that the great are not always
happy. There is no doubt that millions of people every year avoid many
discomforts by remaining in obscurity.
[Illustration: COLUMBUS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS
SAILORS.]
The life of Columbus has been written by hundreds of men, both in this
country and abroad, but the foregoing facts are distilled from this great
biographical mass by skilful hands, and, like the succeeding pages, will
stand for centuries unshaken by the bombardment of the critic, while
succeeding years shall try them with frost and thaw, and the tide of
time dash high against their massive front, only to recede, quelled and
defeated.[1]
[Footnote 1: The author acknowledges especially the courtesy of San

Diego Colon Columbus, a son of the great navigator, whose book
"Historiadores Primitivos" was so generously loaned the author by
relatives of young Columbus.
I have refrained from announcing in the foregoing chapter the death of
Columbus, which occurred May 20, 1506, at Valladolid, the funeral
taking place from his late residence, because I dislike to give needless
pain.
B. N.]

[Illustration:]
CHAPTER II.
OTHER DISCOVERIES--WET AND DRY.
America had many other discoverers besides Columbus, but he seems
to have made more satisfactory arrangements with the historians than
any of the others. He had genius, and was also a married man. He was a
good after-dinner speaker, and was first to use the egg trick, which so