Colonel Crocketts Co-operative Christmas | Page 7

from their Christmas
dinners and loaded plum puddings.
And then, of course, that peculiar something we get into us at
Christmas time filled everybody with a sort of loving fellowship and a
hankering to hug their neighbors and divvy up their funds like a Mutual
Life Insurance Company prospectus says it's a-going to do some day.
In the centre of the hall there was a big sign in electric letters:
EVERYBODY IS HEREBY INTRODUCED TO EVERYBODY
ELSE--FOR TO-NIGHT ONLY
At every State booth you'd see people gathering and recognizing old
friends or introducing theirselves to new ones. It was surprising how
each State had its gathering.
At the Texas booth there was a big, immense crowd. A lot of them
turned out to be old friends of ours; school friends of yours, ranch
friends of mine, people I had worked for, people who had worked
me--or for me. A lot of them sent their love and a Merry Christmas to
you. I remember especially---- [Here we omit a list of names,
somewhat lacking in universal interest.]
I had advertised that people who wanted to give each other Christmas
presents could have them hung on the State trees. My attendants gave
them checks for their gifts and there wasn't many mix-ups. Old Miss
Samanthy Clay got a box of cigars meant for Judge Randolph, and he
got a pair of silver-buckle garters meant for her. But most of them
come out right, and several of them was so surprised at getting presents
in New York that they bust out crying. Major Calhoun's whiskers was
soaking wet with tears when he got a bottle of old Bourbon from Judge
Payton.

[Illustration: OLD MISS SAMANTHY CLAY GOT A BOX OF
CIGARS MEANT FOR JUDGE RANDOLPH]
Rich folks who had been poor men met charter-members of the "I'm on
to your origin" association. But the Christmas spirit made them forget
to be snobs. You'd hear millionaires telling plain people how they used
to play Hallowe'en jokes, how they scraped up to buy their mothers
little Christmas gifts--what ridiculous things they used to get and give!
All evening as fast as anybody went out they'd let somebody else in.
Along about eleven o'clock a lot of the people began to go home. Then
a new crowd come in. People who had taken their childern home and
put them to bed would come back for more fun. Others, who had spent
the evening dining, began to dribble in.
All the actor-people and singers came. It was good to see them. Some
of them told me what a god-send such a thing was to them, homeless
by profession. A lot of them brought their wives and babies. One father
was playing Romeo in Newark, his wife was playing Little Eva in
Harlem, and their daughter was playing Camille on Broadway. You
should of seen them rejoicing round the Kansas tree!
About midnight the big refreshment hall was opened and everybody
that could squeeze in set down to long tables where I had supper served.
I had some of the best after-dinner speakers in town come in, and you
should of heard some of the funny stories--it would of brought back
dear old childhood memories. Mayor McClellan gave us all a welcome,
and then there was Chauncey Depew, of course, and Simeon Ford, and
Augustus Thomas, and Wilton Lackaye, and Job Hedges, and Lemuel
Ely Quigg, and General Horace Porter, and a passel of others.
They all made the most surprising allusions to your poor old husband.
They called me Daddy and sang about me being a jolly good fellow.
And one of them christened me "Santy Crockett." Why, my ears burned
so hot I near set my collar on fire! It sure was worth all I spent, and I
had a terrible time to keep from blubbering. I must of swallowed about
four hundred and eleven Adam's apples.

Finally they called on me for a speech. I just kind o' gibbered--I don't
know what. The papers say I said: "Merry Christmas, my childern! This
old world sure is some comfortable, after all. The only trouble is that
the right people can't seem to get together at the right time often
enough. But this here Christmas supper tastes to me terrible much like
More. I'm going to try it again. And I hereby invite you all that ain't in
any better place or any better world to meet me here a year from
to-night. And so God bless you all, and--and God bless everybody!"
Then after a lot of song-singing and hand-wringing we all went home,
tears in every eye and smiles on every mouth. The remnants of food
and toys made more than the twelve baskets full of Scripture. I sent
them round to the Hospitals and Orphant Asylums.