Clarissa, Volume 4 | Page 5

account, (having large expectations from him,)
made me comply with her desire to stay with him. Yet I wished, as her

uncle did not expect her, that she would see me settled in London; and
Mr. Lovelace was still more earnest that she would, offering to send her
back again in a day or two, and urging that her uncle's malady
threatened not a sudden change. But leaving the matter to her choice,
after she knew what would have been mine, she made me not the
expected compliment. Mr. Lovelace, however, made her a handsome
present at parting.
His genteel spirit, on all occasions, makes he often wish him more
consistent.
As soon as he arrived, I took possession of my apartment. I shall make
good use of the light closet in it, if I stay here any time.
One of his attendants returns in the morning to The Lawn; and I made
writing to you by him an excuse for my retiring.
And now give me leave to chide you, my dearest friend, for your rash,
and I hope revocable resolution not to make Mr. Hickman the happiest
man in the world, while my happiness is in suspense. Suppose I were to
be unhappy, what, my dear, would this resolution of yours avail me?
Marriage is the highest state of friendship: if happy, it lessens our cares,
by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by a
mutual participation. Why, my dear, if you love me, will you not rather
give another friend to one who has not two she is sure of? Had you
married on your mother's last birth-day, as she would have had you, I
should not, I dare say, have wanted a refuge; that would have saved me
many mortifications, and much disgrace.
***
Here I was broke in upon by Mr. Lovelace; introducing the widow
leading in a kinswoman of her's to attend me, if I approved of her, till
my Hannah should come, or till I had provided myself with some other
servant. The widow gave her many good qualities; but said, that she
had one great defect; which was, that she could not write, nor read
writing; that part of her education having been neglected when she was
young; but for discretion, fidelity, obligingness, she was not to be
out-done by any body. So commented her likewise for her skill at the
needle.
As for her defect, I can easily forgive that. She is very likely and
genteel--too genteel indeed, I think, for a servant. But what I like least
of all in her, she has a strange sly eye. I never saw such an eye;

half-confident, I think. But indeed Mrs. Sinclair herself, (for that is the
widow's name,) has an odd winking eye; and her respectfulness seems
too much studied, methinks, for the London ease and freedom. But
people can't help their looks, you know; and after all she is extremely
civil and obliging,--and as for the young woman, (Dorcas is her name,)
she will not be long with me.
I accepted her: How could I do otherwise, (if I had had a mind to make
objections, which, in my present situation, I had not,) her aunt present,
and the young woman also present; and Mr. Lovelace officious in his
introducing them, to oblige me? But, upon their leaving me, I told him,
(who seemed inclinable to begin a conversation with me,) that I desired
that this apartment might be considered as my retirement: that when I
saw him it might be in the dining-room, (which is up a few stairs; for
this back-house, being once two, the rooms do not all of them very
conveniently communicate with each other,) and that I might be as little
broken in upon as possible, when I am here. He withdrew very
respectfully to the door, but there stopt; and asked for my company
then in the dining-room. If he were about setting out for other lodgings,
I would go with him now, I told him; but, if he did not just then go, I
would first finish my letter to Miss Howe.
I see he has no mind to leave me if he can help it. My brother's scheme
may give him a pretence to try to engage me to dispense with his
promise. But if I now do I must acquit him of it entirely.
My approbation of his tender behaviour in the midst of my grief, has
given him a right, as he seems to think, of addressing me with all the
freedom of an approved lover. I see by this man, that when once a
woman embarks with this sex, there is no receding. One concession is
but the prelude to another with them. He has been