Christmas Comes but Once A Year | Page 2

be taken for one--so
united are they; and had we not seen the parting division, we should
have doubted also. Of the entrance lodges, we have noticed one of the
chimneys smoking periodically; and, from the mollient white vapour
issuing over the window at such times, presume Victoria is washing,
whilst Albert is locked up and doing nothing.
[Illustration]
Their lord and master is John Brown, Esq., Director of the Deptford
Direct, the Stag Assurance, and Churchwarden of this parish--St. Stiff
the Martyr,--a portly upright man; for had he not been so erect, to
balance a "fair round belly," he would have toppled on his nose.
Everybody said that he was clever, too--and, moreover, always thought
so; for luck had made our friend a rising man amongst the suburban
aristocracy of Mizzlington. Of Mrs. Brown, she is his match, and portly

too; though older and more crusty--a crummy dame, to whom her lord
must bow; for, upon his hinting at duty, and an obedient wife's
commanding her husband, she ordered him off, reading the adage as a
woman ought. Of the Misses Brown, Jemima and Angelina, they are
decidedly getting old--for young ladies, having been "out" for some
time; and, like the back numbers of an old periodical, are not the more
interesting or marketable for it. Of the sons, the elder, John Brown, jun.,
is spoiling himself by patronising all that is "fast;" whilst the younger is
being educated for a faster age, being spoilt first by his mother.
[Illustration]
Having characterised the Brown family, we will now introduce you to
the first scene of this domestic drama. Victoria Villa--a
dormitory--midnight; in the back ground may be seen and heard a lady
in a rich mellow snore, whilst distant music--the Christmas Waits, is
"softly o'er the senses stealing," and loud in the promise of "a good
time coming," provided you will "wait a little longer." Mr. Brown is
seated at the dressing-table, making up his Diary, or rather trying to
cram the events of twenty-four hours into the leaf of a pocket-book,
five and a half inches by three and a quarter--his usual custom before
rest:--
[Illustration: THE WAITS. "SOFTLY O'ER THE SENSES
STEALING."]
"December 21st, Friday.--Advertised in this day's 'Times,' to let Albert,
furnished, from the 25th, with use of servants, if required
(double-house and household at half-price--grand effect united with
economy). Tommy came home from Dr. Tortem's, with holiday-letter,
bill, and wonderful crop of hair--considering it costs me five shillings
per quarter to cut; brimstone and treacle, under head--medicine,
charged ten and six; firing and broken windows, two pounds;
&c.:--what most unlucky things turn up on a Friday! I much wish I had
not advertised Albert to-day--no one will come." With these
observations, and a consolatory grumble about Christmas coming but
once a year, Mr. Brown seeks repose beside his consort; whilst the
Waits make the lowing wind, the frigid vegetation, and the rattling

shutters, dance again to the "Bridal Polka."
Sweet sleep--and morning dawns.--The Browns depart, as is their daily
custom, by the omnibus--the elder to chat inside, the younger to smoke
out;--and both to business in the city. Whilst, at home, Master Tommy
displays the "advancement made in his studies"--as the holiday-letter
states,--by practising writing in the "Book of Beauty;" his knowledge of
natural history, by attempting to rear gold-fish (like eels) in sand;
searching for the tick in an eight-day clock; setting bits of raw beef in
the back garden, that the portion (like potatoes) might grow to young
bullocks; filling the bellows' snout with gunpowder, that they may blow
the fire up; putting the cat in walnut-shells upon the icy pond, and
himself in the middle of it; playing racket in the drawing-room; and
constructing a snow man against the back-door to fall in upon Sarah,
almost frightening her to death; and many other experimental,
philosophical tricks, too numerous to mention.
[Illustration]
During this day the semi-detached is besieged by a lady and gentleman
in search of a home. The gentleman, dressed in a very tight frock-coat,
dusty and worn; a highly-glazed cap, the strap of which dangled above
a tuft of hair, that graced his chin, its peak resting upon the tip of his
nose, affording him little more than a view of his boots, with a portion
of the hose protruding therefrom; his tightly-strapped trowsers carrying
a broad stripe, of which he appeared proud, being engaged in the
manufacture of many more in other parts, by knocking the dust out of
them with a slight cane; of his gloves, they seemed determined to end
their days in their normal state, and to produce neither mits nor
finger-stalls. The couple looking very limp and tumbled;--a thing duly
apologised for, and not to be wondered at--having just arrived from
abroad. Mrs. Brown being much taken