Christmas Comes but Once A Year

Comes but Once A Year, by
Luke Limner

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Title: Christmas Comes but Once A Year Showing What Mr. Brown
Did, Thought, and Intended to Do, during that Festive Season.
Author: Luke Limner
Illustrator: Christmas Comes but Once A Year
Release Date: January 2, 2007 [EBook #20251]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR ***

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[Illustration: JOHN BROWN ESQ. AS HE APPEARED EVERY
EVE]

CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR
Showing What
Mr. Brown Did, Thought, And Intended To Do, During That Festive
Season.
Now First Edited From The Original MSS. (Mess).
With Notes and Illustrations
By LUKE LIMNER, Esq.
London: William Tegg and Co., 85, Queen Street, Cheapside.
M.DCCC.L.

Prime Movers.
JOHN BROWN, Esq.-- Citizen of London and Suburban Snob.
JOHN BROWN, Jun., Esq.-- "Fast Gent;" Son and Heir to the above
"Brick!"-- I believe you, my boys, rather!
Master THOMAS BROWN.-- Apple of his Mother's eye-- "her
Tommy-wommy"-- "her dear boy"-- "her jewel of a pet."

Captain BONAVENTURE DE CAMP.-- Officer, late of the Hon. E. I.
Co's. Service, but now at the service of any one.
LATIMER DE CAMP.-- Master of (He) Arts; Elder Son of the above,
of Nobodynose College, Oxford.
WELLESLEY DE CAMP.-- Cadet of Sandboys Military College.
SOAVO SPOHF.-- Composer; Organist at St. Stiff's the Martyr; Mr.
Brown's ex-friend.
JOHN (BROWN).-- Footman to John Brown, Esq.; late Private in the
44th foot.
TOBIAS STRAP.-- Grocer in Greens, Landlord to Mr. Spohf, and
Supernumerary help to any body.
ICHABOD STRAP.-- (Son of his sire) commonly called "Alphonso,"
but sometimes "Buttons."
Mrs. BENIGMA BROWN.-- Rib of John Brown, Esq.-- Ruler of his
roast and boiled.
Miss JEMIMA BROWN. } Eligible Young Ladies-- very so-- to any
one inclined to a Miss ANGELINA BROWN. } matter-o'-money-all
alliance.
Lady LUCRETIA DE CAMP.-- Spouse of "the Captain;" Lady in her
own right (and wrong).
DEBORAH STRAP.-- (Consort of T. S. above) Pue-packer at St. Stiff's
the Martyr.
Guests, Cooks, Maids, Lanthorn-bearers, extra Flunkeys, Police, &c.,
&c., &c., &c.
SCENE.-- Victoria and Albert Villas, Mizzlington, near London.
TIME.-- Christmas.

List of Plates. PAGE
John Brown, Esq., as he appeared every Evening Frontispiece.
The Carol--"Tidings of Comfort and Joy!" 1
The Waits serenading Victoria and Albert Villas 5
Christmas Eve--The Market--Brown buying Holly 13
Christmas Dinners--Good Living, at least, Once a Year 18
The Pudding, as it ought to have appeared 23
Bringing in the Yule-log 25
Boxing-day--The Beadle offended 28
The Pantomime--"Here we are again!" 34
The Compliments of the Season (a cold) 40
The Quadrille--Cavalier seul 57
The Stair-case--Captain de Camp and the Wall-flower 63
Forfeits--The Double Toilet 80
The Christmas Tree--Presentation of Fruit 83
Mummery--Trick of the Old Dame 84
Kitchen Conversation 92

[Illustration: THE CAROL. "TIDINGS OF COMFORT & JOY."]

[Illustration: CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR]
Very cold, very bleak; the thermometer and snow are falling fast; eggs
and suet are rising faster; everything at this season is "prized," and
everybody apprizes everybody else of the good they wish them,--"A
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Even the
shivering caroller, for "it is a poor heart that never rejoices," is yelling
forth the "tidings of comfort and joy." The snow that descends, making
park and common alike--topping palace and pigsty, now crowns the
semi-detached villas, Victoria and Albert. They were erected from the
designs of John Brown, Esq. and his architect (or builder), and are
considered a fine specimen of compo-cockney-gothic, in which the
constructor has made the most of his materials; for, to save digging, he
sank the foundation in an evacuated pond, and, as an antidote to damp,
used wood with the dry-rot--the little remaining moisture being
pumped out daily by the domestics. The floors are delightfully springy,
having cracks to precipitate the dirt, and are sloped towards the
doorways, so that the furniture is perpetually trying to walk out of the
rooms; but those apertures are ingeniously planned to prevent the
evil--the doors obstinately refusing to open at all, without force. That
the whole may not appear too light, few windows are introduced. By
casual observers the Victoria and Albert would