Charles OMalley, vol 2 | Page 4

Them's neat pistols; and the tilbury is not bad--'
"'Confound you!' said I, losing all patience; 'we didn't ask you here to appraise our movables. We want to raise the wind without that.'
"'I see, I perceive,' said Mat, taking a pinch of snuff very leisurely as he spoke,--'I see. Well, that is difficult, very difficult just now. I've mortgaged every acre of ground in the two counties near us, and a sixpence more is not to be had that way. Are you lucky at the races?'
"'Never win a sixpence.'
"'What can you do at whist?'
"'Revoke, and get cursed by my partner; devil a more!'
"'That's mighty bad, for otherwise, we might arrange something for you. Well, I only see one thing for it; you must marry. A wife with some money will get you out of your present difficulties; and we'll manage that easily enough.'
"'Come, Dan,' said I, for Shaugh was dropping asleep; 'cheer up, old fellow. Donevan has found the way to pull us through our misfortunes. A girl with forty thousand pounds, the best cock shooting in Ireland, an old family, a capital cellar, all await ye,--rouse up, there!'
"'I'm convanient,' said Shaugh, with a look intended to be knowing, but really very tipsy.
"'I didn't say much for her personal attractions, Captain,' said Mat; 'nor, indeed, did I specify the exact sum; but Mrs. Rogers Dooley, of Clonakilty, might be a princess--'
"'And so she shall be, Mat; the O'Shaughnessys were Kings of Ennis in the time of Nero and I'm only waiting for a trifle of money to revive the title. What's her name?'
"'Mrs. Rogers Dooley.'
"'Here's her health, and long life to her,--
'And may the Devil cut the toes Of all her foes, That we may know them by their limping.'
"This benevolent wish uttered, Dan fell flat upon the hearth-rug, and was soon sound asleep. I must hasten on; so need only say that, before we parted that night, Mat and myself had finished the half-gallon bottle of Loughrea whiskey, and concluded a treaty for the hand and fortune of Mrs. Rogers Dooley. He being guaranteed a very handsome percentage on the property, and the lady being reserved for choice between Dan and myself, which, however, I was determined should fall upon my more fortunate friend.
"The first object which presented itself to my aching senses the following morning was a very spacious card of invitation from Mr. Jonas Malone, requesting me to favor him with the seductions of my society the next evening to a ball; at the bottom of which, in Mr. Donevan's hand, I read,--
"'Don't fail; you know who is to be there. I've not been idle since I saw you. Would the captain take twenty-five for the mare?'
"'So far so good,' thought I, as entering O'Shaughnessy's quarters, I discovered him endeavoring to spell out his card, which, however, had no postscript. We soon agreed that Mat should have his price; so sending a polite answer to the invitation, we despatched a still more civil note to the attorney, and begged of him, as a weak mark of esteem, to accept the mouse-colored mare as a present."
Here O'Shaughnessy sighed deeply, and even seemed affected by the souvenir.
"Come, Dan, we did it all for the best. Oh, O'Mealey, he was a cunning fellow; but no matter. We went to the ball, and to be sure, it was a great sight. Two hundred and fifty souls, where there was not good room for the odd fifty; such laughing, such squeezing, such pressing of hands and waists in the staircase, and then such a row and riot at the top,--four fiddles, a key bugle, and a bagpipe, playing 'Haste to the wedding,' amidst the crash of refreshment-trays, the tramp of feet, and the sounds of merriment on all sides!
"It's only in Ireland, after all, people have fun. Old and young, merry and morose, the gay and cross-grained, are crammed into a lively country-dance; and ill-matched, ill-suited, go jigging away together to the blast of a bad band, till their heads, half turned by the noise, the heat, the novelty, and the hubbub, they all get as tipsy as if they were really deep in liquor.
"Then there is that particularly free-and-easy tone in every one about. Here go a couple capering daintily out of the ball-room to take a little fresh air on the stairs, where every step has its own separate flirtation party; there, a riotous old gentleman, with a boarding-school girl for his partner, has plunged smack into a party at loo, upsetting cards and counters, and drawing down curses innumerable. Here are a merry knot round the refreshments, and well they may be; for the negus is strong punch, and the biscuit is tipsy cake,--and all this with a running fire of good stories, jokes, and witticisms on all sides, in