Cartaphilus - HOW to Meet Women - The Shy Mans Guide to Relationships | Page 9

as a distraction from important affairs, yet still revered as the ultimate
Mystery. Traditionally forced into the role of the scapegoat, treated with contempt or outright
brutality, intimidated, exploited and used, she has suffered much at the hands of her men. Forgotten is
that woman has been the keeper of the racial wisdom, the crucible of culture, the preserver of
civilization, the nurturer of life, the center of family and clan, the source of creation.
Treat women kindly, and be rewarded. Leave control and mind games to the users and manipulators
.
You have grown past that. Cherish and respect all women, for is not every woman at the core the
image of your mother, your daughter, your lover?

Without love, intelligence is dangerous
Without intelligence, love is not enough.
Ashley Montagu

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Chapter 4
The Art of Conversation
Words are the voice of the heart.

By far the most terrifying barrier to developing relationships with women is learning to talk with
them. Approaching an attractive stranger across the gulf of flickering candlelight at a party, or two
tables distant at a coffee house looms as formidably as scaling a sheer icy spire. Making the first
contact is as fearful as being born, yet as wondrous as emerging from a cave and seeing bright sunlight
for the first time.
Even thinking of approaching her makes you break out in a cold sweat. Muster up your courage, get
up from your chair, and propel yourself forward. Smile warmly, or shyly if you prefer, as you draw
near. If the woman desires your presence, she will return a smile. You will feel her warmth, though
you have yet to touch. Awareness of and sensitivity to subtle visual cues, discreet signals and body
language provide the clues that your attentions are welcome (if they are not, proceed no further). Rely
on your judgment and perceptions, as well as your intuition, to guide you in this crucial step. It
becomes easier with practice, as you gain experience and confidence, and learn to read people
.

Everyone risks being laughed at when he approaches a woman. That is always at stake.
Take a chance... and if worse comes to worse, let yourself be laughed at.
Hermann Hesse, "Steppenwolf"

Act naturally. Using a "line"
comes across as phony, nor is it a particularly effective tactic for shy
people in any case. So what to do for an opening gambit?
• "You have such beautiful blue eyes..."
• "You seemed so lonely, standing there by yourself..."
• "Those are very unusual earrings..."
• "What do you think of the weather lately..."
• "What's a nice woman like you doing in a place like..."
• "How about them Redskins..."
• "These snacks taste a little stale, don't you think..."
All of the above chestnuts have been in use since "ancient times", and should be honorably retired.

A more straightforward conversation opener consists of simply introducing yourself. No tricks, fancy
footwork, or flimflam necessary. Look the lady in the eyes
, smile, and plunge right in.
• "Hello, I'm John Smith."
...a classic move - simple, but devastatingly effective.

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• "I'm Richard Jones. May I have the pleasure of your company?"
...taking care not to sound too stiffly formal.
• "I'm delighted to make your acquaintance. Might I have the honor of introducing myself?"
...bowing, heel clicking, hand kissing optional.
• "Do forgive me. I'm not very good at this sort of thing. Please allow me to present myself."
...quite Continental.
• "They call me Bill Green, but my name is really William Green."
...double take.
• "We are not like the others".
(There's something different about you, and I understand.)
...and sally forth from there.
Get past the initial awkwardness in the conversation with smiles, jokes, "small talk", banter
, inane
observations, or whatever else works at the time. With practice, you will loosen up and become more
spontaneous, and the talk will flow from you without effort. This, too, is an acquired skill.
Imagine Gertrude Mollycoddle, the friendly, grey-haired checkout lady at the supermarket, standing
opposite you, asking after your health because you look malnourished to her. Visualize her in all her
glory, slightly disheveled, bedecked in a stained work apron, fussing over you in her own motherly sort
of way. Now, whenever you are tongue-tied, shift into your speaking-with-Mrs.-Mollycoddle mode,
and that will take the pressure off you and loosen a veritable flood of words and feelings.
Remember her name. She spoke it when you introduced yourselves. In the excitement of talking to
her, of sharing feelings, of