Blood, Sweat Tea | Page 5

have to put up with 3weeks worth of moaning about how terrible I look.
(c) Will this cut enhance my ability to attract members of the opposite sex? To be honest, no haircut has ever done this but I live in hope.
(d) If I go to my local hairdressers will I get the trainee ...and if I do will it be possible to get a refund?
Anyway, I went in and got a 'short-back-and-sides' and rather unfortunately I'm deaf as a post when I'm not wearing my glasses (for those who have 20/20 vision, you don't wear your glasses when getting a haircut). So when the whole place erupted in fits of laughter I didn't know if it was because of a rapidly growing bald-spot.
(Still while I can't see it, it doesn't exist.)
The best I can say is that I'm not having to brush my hair out my eyes with a pair of gloves covered in someone else's vomit.
Which is nice...
Bloody Cat...
I'm sitting here single on station (you need two people to man an ambulance, and if you haven't got anyone to work with you are 'single' and therefore unable to work. However you need to stay on station in case they find someone else in London who is single. In that case you find yourself trekking across London to work in a place you've only seen on telly). I'm hungry and bored, partly because it's night-time, and partly because there is no-one else on station.
However I have a plan...
To counter the boredom I have a DVD I can watch on the station's new DVD player (bought out of staff funds, so no we haven't been defrauding the NHS). The hunger problem will soon be solved by the microwave curry I have sitting in my car.
Let us now introduce a new member into the cast, when I said I was alone that was a bit of a lie, there is the station cat. Well at least I think it's a cat as it is so threadbare it could be anything. This cat is so stupid it lies in front of your ambulance just when you need it the most, and refuses to move until you physically have to kick lift it gently out of the way. However, it is intelligent enough to realize that when someone is using the microwave there will be an opportunity for begging for food 5minutes later (13minutes if the food is frozen).
I nearly fell over the damn thing stepping away from the microwave, only to spend the next 10minutes discussing with a mouth full of Chicken Korma why it wouldn't like to jump up on my lap and make off with my dinner. It went a little something like this...
Miaow.
'No you can't have any.'
Miaow.
'You wouldn't like it.'
Miaow.
'Go eat your own dinner.'
Miaow.
Gets up, plate in hand, to check that the cat does indeed have food/water/toy mouse.
Miaow.
'Will you bugger off!'
Miaow.
At this point I put the plate (still with some of my food on it) on the floor, which the mangy beast sniffs and turns his nose up at. Said 'cat' then goes and hides under a table.
Horrible bloody creature.
It's now dead, there is only one person on station who misses the bloody thing.
Why this is a Good Job
My crewmate and I went to a man having a fit on Christmas day; he was a security guard and built like a brick out-house. This fit wasn't your 'normal' epileptic fit, but instead the man was punchy and aggressive. To say it was a struggle to get him on the back of the ambulance is to say that Paris Hilton may have appeared in an Internet video download. Cutting a long story short, the patient is diabetic and his blood sugar had dropped to a dangerously low level. Luckily, we carry an injection to reverse this and after wrestling with him in order to give him this drug he made a full recovery before we even reached the hospital. This is a nice job because we actually helped someone rather than just drive them to hospital.
Other benefits of the job include (but are not limited to...)
Working outside in the fresh air, I don't know how office workers put up with air conditioning.
For much of the time you are your own boss - do not underestimate this.
Driving on the wrong side of the road with blue lights and sirens going; it's not about the speed it's about the power.
Being able to poke around people houses and feel superior even though you haven't done the washing up in your own house for 2days.
No matter how annoying the patient is, knowing that within 20minutes it'll be the hospitals problem.
Meeting lots of lovely nurses, and knowing that I get paid more than them.
On the rare occasion, being able to help people who are scared or