Blood, Sweat Tea | Page 4

pleased at this, not only because it is embarrassing for the patient, but also because of the sheer bloody cheek of this person. When I tell her (very politely mind you) to bugger off, she replies with the old favourite 'I'm a taxpayer and I pay your wages'. At this I remind her that my patient, my crewmate and I also pay taxes. At this she is a bit nonplussed, yet still she continues to moan that there is no need for me to block the road.
In any event, I did need to block the road, I don't do it on purpose, but it is more important to get to the patient quickly.
This woman's moaning then gets other drivers upset and they start honking their horns, and the only way I get rid of the woman who was in such a hurry was to pull the door shut after me and tell her to imagine her relative in the ambulance...
I didn't hurry treating the patient either.
The same thing has happened on more than one occasion. Now I simply ask the complainer that if it was them rolling around in agony, would they like to have to wait while I find a better place to park?
Maybe it's Because I'm a Londoner
Research carried out by the London Ambulance Service for our 'No Send' policy has shown that 59% of Londoners think that they will get seen quicker in A&E (Accident and Emergency department) if they arrive in an ambulance.
This... Is... Not... True...
In fact, if you come to A&E after calling an ambulance for something minor, the nursing staff will be more inclined to send you out to the waiting room and forget about you.
I was an A&E nurse for a long time - just trust me on this...
Also, Londoners call for three times the number of ambulances for 'flu than any other English city. Half the time the patient has got a cold and not 'flu at all, and just needs to work it out of their system. Even if they did have 'flu, there is little the hospital could do for them anyway.
Coupled with high population densities, lack of staff and vehicles, speed bumps everywhere and heavy traffic, is it any wonder we are having trouble hitting the 8-minute deadline we have to make 75% of calls in?
Nice New Motors
The London Ambulance Service is giving us poor Ambulance staff shiny new ambos to drive... well, puke yellow rather than shiny... but they are new. These are Mercedes Sprinters outfitted in 'EURO RAL 1016 Yellow' which is apparently the most striking colour available and is used throughout the European Union. They have lots of nice new bits for us to play with. Most importantly, they have a tail lift so now we don't need to break our backs lifting some 20-stone lump into the back of the motor (20stone is 127kilograms for those using 'new money').
I was asked by a friend what I thought of them, and having just finished my 'Familiarisation Course' (4hours of playing with the new toy) I must say I do like it. Not only is the engine more responsive when moving off, but the brakes also work that bit better than our old LDVs (Leyland Daf vans) and the interior is much more professional looking.
The only real problem I foresee is that the tail-lift needs around 4yards to unload the trolley and around London this means that we will have to park in the middle of the road, blocking off other traffic. So, if you do see one of us blocking your way, please realise that there is no way we can park the things and be sure of being able to load a patient on board as well.
These things also cost ￡105000 each and if we get the slightest scratch on them they have to be taken off the road and repaired (unlike the ones we have at the moment where they are beaten up until they stop working). Since our insurance has a ￡5000 excess it'll mean a lot more money going to vehicle maintenance.
Should be fun, but I can't see management ever letting me drive one... I estimate if I can squeeze through gaps by driving until I hear the crunch...
While I thought that parking to allow the tail lifts space would be a big problem, our biggest problem would turn out to be the regular breaking down of the lifts.
My (So-Called) Exciting Life
I had my hair cut today, which has become a weighty decision in my mind. It goes something like this...
(a) Do I get a crop or not? If I get a crop I'll look like I've just been released from a concentration camp, if I don't then I'll look like a paedophile.
(b) Will my mum like it? If not then I'll