Biltmore Oswald | Page 6

to
accomplish either, getting reported on two counts. Any enlisted man is
entitled to play this game and he is sure of making a score. After

running around innumerable miles of early morning camp scenery and
losing several buttons from your new trousers, you come back and do
Greek dances for a man who aspires to become a second Mordkin or a
Mr. Isadora Duncan. This is all very sweet and I am sure the boys play
prettily together. First he dances, then we dance; then he interprets a
bird and we all flutter back at him. This being done to his apparent
satisfaction, we proceed to crawl and grind and weave and wave in a
most extraordinary manner. This is designed to give us physical poise
to enable us to go aloft in a graceful and pleasing manner. After this
dancing in the dew you return for a few more rounds with your
hammock, clean up your bay and stand in line for breakfast. After
breakfast we muster again and a gentleman talks to us in a voice that
would lead you to believe that he thought we were all in hiding
somewhere in New Rochelle. Then there are any number of things to
do to divert our minds--scrub hammocks, pick up cigarettes, drill, hike
and attend lectures. As a rule we do all of these things. From 5 p.m.
until 8:45 p.m. if we are unfortunate enough not to have a lecture party
we are free to give ourselves over to the riotous joy of the moment,
which consists of listening to a phonograph swear bitterly at a piano
long past its prime. The final act of the drama of the day is performed
on the hammock--an animated little sketch of arms and legs conducted
along the lines of Houdini getting into a strait-jacket, or does he get out
of them? I don't know, perhaps both. Anyway, you get what I mean.
[Illustration: "THIS IS DESIGNED TO GIVE US PHYSICAL
POISE"]
March 17th. This spring weather is bringing the birds out in great
quantities. They bloomed along the fence today like a Ziegfeld chorus
on an outing. One girl carried on a coherent conversation with six
different fellows at once and left each of them feeling that he alone had
been singled out for her particular favor. As a matter of fact I was
flirting with her all the time and I could tell by the very way she looked
that she would have much rather been talking to me. Last week I had to
convince mother that I was wearing my flannels; this week I had to
convince her I still had them on. The only way to satisfy her, I suppose,
is to appear before her publicly in them. Poor, dear mother, she told me

she had written the doctor up here asking him not to squirt my arm full
of those horrid little germs any more. She said I came from a good,
clean family, and had been bathed once a week all my life, except the
time when I had the measles and then it wasn't advisable. I am sure this
must have cheered the doctor up tremendously. She also asked him to
be sure to see that I got my meals regularly. I can see him now taking
me by the hand and leading me to the mess-hall. When I suggested to
mother that she write President Wilson asking him to be sure to see that
my blankets didn't fall off at night, she said that I was a sarcastic,
ungrateful boy.
March 18th. There is something decidedly wrong with me as a sailor. I
got my pictures to-day. Try as I may, I am unable to locate the trouble.
There seems to be some item left out. Not enough salt in the mixture,
perhaps. I don't know exactly what it is but I seem to be a little too,
may I say, handsome or, perhaps, polished would be the better word.
I'm afraid to send the pictures away because no one will believe them.
They will think I borrowed the clothes.
March 19th. A funny thing happened last Sunday that I forgot to record.
A girl had her foot on the fence and when she took it down every one
yelled, "As you were." Sailors have such a delicate sense of humor.
Well, that's about enough for to-day.
March 20th. We had a lecture on boats to-day. The only thing I don't
know now is how to tell a bilge from a painter. The oar was easy. It is
divided into three parts, the stem, the lead and the muzzle. I must
remember this, it is very important. The men are getting so used to
inoculations around here that they complain when they don't