Biltmore Oswald | Page 5

sole
duty to his parents consists in publicly announcing that he is clad in
winter flannels.
[Illustration: "MOTHER KEPT SCREAMING THROUGH THE
WIRE ABOUT MY UNDERWEAR"]
Polly drove up for a moment with Joe Henderson. I hope the draft gets
hold of that bird. They were going to have tea at the Biltmore when
they got back to the city. I almost bit the end off of a sentry's bayonet
when I heard this woeful piece of news. Liberty looks a long way off.
I made an attempt to write some letters in the Y.M.C.A. this evening
but gave up before the combined assault of a phonograph, a piano, and

a flanking detachment of checker players. Several benches fell on me
and I went to the mat feeling very sorry for myself.
March 4th. The morning broke badly. I lashed my hand to my
hammock and was forced to call on the P.O. to extricate me. He
remarked, with ill-disguised bitterness, that I could think of more
ineffectual things to do than any rookie it had been his misfortune to
meet. I told him that I didn't have to think of them, they just came
naturally.
Last night I was nearly frightened out of my hammock by awakening
and gazing into the malevolent eye of my high-powered, twin-six wrist
watch. I thought for a moment that the Woolworth tower had crawled
into bed with me. It gave me such a start. I must get used to my wrist
watch--also wearing a handkerchief up my sleeve. I feel like the sweet
kid himself now.
Drill all day. My belt fell off and tripped me up. Why do such things
always happen to me? Somebody told us to do squads left and it looked
as if we were playing Ring Around Rosie. Then we performed a
fiendish and complicated little quadrille called a "company square." I
found myself, much to my horror, on the inside of the contraption
walking directly behind the company commander. It was a very
delicate situation for a while. I walked on my tip-toes so that he
wouldn't hear me. Had he looked around I know I'd have dropped my
gun and lit out for home and mother.
Forgot to take my hat off in the mess room. I was reminded, though, by
several hundred thoughtful people.
March 5th. Stood for half an hour in the mail line. Got one letter. A bill
from a restaurant for eighteen dollars' worth of past luncheons. I haven't
the heart to write more.
[Illustration: "A BILL FROM A RESTAURANT FOR $18.00
WORTH OF PAST LUNCHEONS"]
March 6th. Bag inspection. I almost put my eye out at right hand salute.

However, my bag looked very cute indeed, and although he didn't say
anything, I feel sure the inspecting officer thought mine was the best. I
had a beautiful embroidered handkerchief holder, prominently
displayed, which I am sure must have knocked him cold. He missed the
dirty white, but I will never be the same.
[Illustration: "HE MISSED THE DIRTY WHITES, BUT I WILL
NEVER BE THE SAME"]
Fire drill! My hammock came unlashed right in front of a C.P.O. and
he asked me if I was going to sleep in it on the spot. It was a very
inspiring scene. Particularly thrilling was the picture I caught of a very
heavy sailor picking on a poor innocent looking little fire extinguisher.
He ran the thing right over my foot. I apologized, as usual. I discovered
that I have been putting half instead of marlin hitches in my hammock,
but not before the inspecting officer did. He seemed very upset about it.
When he asked me why I only put six hitches in my hammock instead
of seven, I replied that my rope was short. His reply still burns in my
memory. What eloquence! What earnestness! What a day!
[Illustration: "FIRE DRILL"]
March 7th. Second jab to-morrow. I am too nervous to write to-day.
More anon.
March 16th. Life in the Navy is just one round of engagements to keep.
Simply splendid! All we have to do is to get up at 6 o'clock in the
morning when it is nice and dark and play around with the cutest little
hammock imaginable. When you have arrived at the most interesting
part of this game, the four hitch period, and you are wondering whether
you are going to beat your previous record and get six instead of five,
the bugle blows and immediately throws you into a state of great
indecision. The problem is whether to finish the hammock and be
reported late for muster or to attend muster and be reported for not
having finished your hammock. The time spent in considering this
problem usually results in your trying to do both and in failing