Bill Nyes Comic History of England | Page 9

years after his accession to the throne, owing to the
fact, as given out by some of the more modern historians, that the crown was at Mr. Isaac
Inestein's all this time, whereas the throne, which was bought on the instalment plan, had
been redeemed.
Pictures of the crown worn by Edgar will convince the reader that its redemption was no
slight task, while the mortgage on the throne was a mere bagatelle.
[Illustration: EDGAR SURMOUNTED BY HIS CROWN.]
[Illustration: EDGAR CAUSES HIS BARGE TO BE ROWED BY EIGHT KINGS.]
A bright idea of Edgar's was to ride in a row-boat pulled by eight kings under the old
régime.
Personally, Edgar was reputed to be exceedingly licentious; but the historian wisely says
these stories may have been the invention of his enemies. Greatness is certain to make of
itself a target for the mud of its own generation, and no one who rose above the level of
his surroundings ever failed to receive the fragrant attentions of those who had not
succeeded in rising. All history is fraught also with the bitterness and jealousy of the
historian except this one. No bitterness can creep into this history.
Edgar, it is said, assassinated the husband of Elfrida in order that he might marry her. It is
also said that he broke into a convent and carried off a nun; but doubtless if these stories
were traced to their very foundations, politics would account for them both.
He did not favor the secular clergy, and they, of course, disliked him accordingly. He
suffered also at the hands of those who sought to operate the reigning apparatus whilst his
attention was turned towards other matters.
He was the author of the scheme whereby he utilized his enemies, the Welsh princes, by

demanding three hundred wolf heads per annum as tribute instead of money. This wiped
out the wolves and used up the surplus animosity of the Welsh.
As the Welsh princes had no money, the scheme was a good one. Edgar died at the age of
thirty-two, and was succeeded by Edward, his son, in 975.
The death of the king at this early age has given to many historians the idea that he was a
sad dog, and that he sat up late of nights and cut up like everything, but this may not be
true. Death often takes the good, the true, and the beautiful whilst young.
However, Edgar's reign was a brilliant one for an Anglo-Saxon, and his coon-skin cap is
said to have cost over a pound sterling.
[Illustration: EDGAR THE PACIFIC.]

CHAPTER VI.
THE DANISH OLIGARCHY: DISAFFECTIONS ATTENDING CHRONIC
USURPATION PROCLIVITIES.
Edgar was succeeded by his son Edward, called "the Martyr," who ascended the throne at
the age of fifteen years. His step-mother, Elfrida, opposed him, and favored her own son,
Ethelred. Edward was assassinated in 978, at the instigation of his step-mother, and that's
what's the martyr with him.
During his reign there was a good deal of ill feeling, and Edward would no doubt have
been deposed but for the influence of the church under Dunstan.
Ethelred was but ten years old when he began reigning. Sadly poor Dunstan crowned him,
his own eyes still wet with sorrow over the cruel death of Edward. He foretold that
Ethelred would have a stormy reign, with sleet and variable winds, changing to snow.
During the remainder of the great prelate's life he, as it were, stood between the usurper
and the people, and protected them from the threatening storm.
But in 991, shortly after the death of Dunstan, a great army of Norwegians came over to
England for purposes of pillage. To say that it was an allopathic pillage would not be an
extravagant statement. They were extremely rude people, like all the nations of northern
Europe at that time,--Rome being the Boston of the Old World, and Copenhagen the Fort
Dodge of that period.
The Norwegians ate everything that did not belong to the mineral kingdom, and left the
green fields of merry England looking like a base-ball ground. So wicked and warlike
were they that the sad and defeated country was obliged to give the conquering Norske
ten thousand pounds of silver.

Dunstan died at the age of sixty-three, and years afterwards was canonized; but firearms
had not been invented at the time of his death. He led the civilization and progress of
England, and was a pioneer in cherishing the fine arts.
Olaf, who led the Norwegians against England, afterwards became king of Norway, and
with the Danes used to ever and anon sack Great Britain,--i.e., eat everybody out of house
and home, and then ask for a sack of silver as the price of peace.
Ethelred was a cowardly king, who liked to wear the