Basomas

confessions ofGEORGIA NICOLSON

ANGUS, THONGS AND FULL-FRONTAL SNOGGING

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I�M NOW THE GIRLFRIEND OF A SEX GOD

KNOCKED OUT BY MY NUNGA-NUNGAS

DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS

AWAY LAUGHING ON A FAST CAMEL

THEN HE ATE MY BOY ENTRANCERS

STARTLED BY HIS FURRY SHORTS

LOVE IS A MANY TROUSERED THING

STOP IN THE NAME OF PANTS!




About the Author

LOUISE RENNISONis the internationally bestselling author of the angst-filled and award-winning Confessions of Georgia Nicolson.Louise lives in Brighton, theSan Francisco ofEngland (apart from the sun, Americans, the Golden Gate Bridge, and earthquakes).

You can visit Georgia online atwww.georgianicolson.com.

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.



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About the Publisher

Australia

HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

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http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au

Canada

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

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http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca

New Zealand

HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited

P.O. Box 1

Auckland, New Zealand

http://www.harpercollins.co.nz

United Kingdom

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

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London, W6 8JB, UK

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk

United States

HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

10 East 53rd Street

New York, NY 10022

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com




Great Mates Scale
1. Offer a mate a midget gem without being asked.
2. Share your last Jammy Dodger even though you really want it and your mate may be flicking her fringe about.
3. Listen to your mate rambling on about themselves when you have got vair important things to do yourself (e.g., nails, plucking, etc.).
4. Be with your mate through thick and thin. Or even if they are both thick and thin. Tee-hee. I made a great mate type joke there. Did you see??? Which leads me to No. 5.
5. Always be game for a laugh even though you may be blubbing on the inside.
6. Even when she has all the reason in the universe to be Top Dog (i.e., when she is the girlfriend of a Luuurve God, even if it is slightly on a sale-or-return basis), a top mate does not blow her own trumpet. Or snitch on her less fortunate mates.




Glossary

bhaji� A bhaji is an Indian food. An onion bhaji is brown and round and full of fat, hence my hilarious joke about Slim looking like one. I exhaust myself with my good humor, I really do.

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Blimey O�Reilly� (as in �Blimey O�Reilly�s trousers�) This is an Irish expression of disbelief and shock. Maybe Blimey O�Reilly was a famous Irish bloke who had extravagantly big trousers. We may never know the truth. The fact is, whoever he is, what you need to know is that a) it�s Irish and b) it is Irish. I rest my case.

�

Blu-Tack� Blue plasticine stuff that you stick stuff to other stuff with. It is very useful for sticking stuff to other stuff. Tip-top sticking stuff actually. I don�t know why it�s called Blu-Tack when it clearly should be called Blue Sticking Stuff. Also, �Blue� is spelled wrong, but that�s life for you.

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blodge� Biology. Like geoggers�geography�or Froggie�French.

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bloke� You must know what a bloke is�. It is a person of the masculine gender. Hence the expression �my bloke��as in, �I am dumping my bloke because he is too thick.�

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boboland� As I have explained many, many times, English is a lovely and exciting language full of sophisticosity. To go to sleep is �to go to bobos,� so if you go to bed you are going to Boboland. It is an Elizabethan expression�. Oh, OK then, Libby made it up and she can be unreasonably violent if you don�t join in with her.

�

brillopads� A Brillo pad is a sort of wire pad that you clean pans and stuff with (if you do housework, which I sincerely suggest you don�t. I got ironer�s elbow from being made to iron my vati�s huge undercrackers). Where was I? Oh yes. When you say �It was brillopads,� you don�t mean �It was a sort of wire pad that you clean with,� you mean �It was fab and groovy.� Do you see? Good night.

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bugger(ation)� A swear word. It doesn�t really mean anything, but neither do a lot of swear words. Or parents.

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bum-oley� Quite literally �bottom hole.� I�m sorry but you did ask. Say it proudly (with a cheery smile and a Spanish accent).

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catsuit� An all-in-one suit thing with trousers and a zipper up the front. Usually evening wear. It is supposed to be sexy, and perhaps it is, but try getting out of one quickly if you have to pay an emergency lavatory call. Like a grown-up version of a romper suit.

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chuntering� When people are moaning on, they are said to be �chuntering.� An example of chuntering would be my dad