Apologia Pro Vita Sua | Page 9

which I have published, they would in
many ways serve me, were I well up in them: but though I took great
pains in their composition, I have thought little about them, when they
were once out of my hands, and for the most part the last time I read
them has been when I revised their last proof sheets.
Under these circumstances my sketch will of course be incomplete. I
now for the first time contemplate my course as a whole; it is a first
essay, but it will contain, I trust, no serious or substantial mistake, and
so far will answer the purpose for which I write it. I purpose to set
nothing down in it as certain, of which I have not a clear memory, or
some written memorial, or the corroboration of some friend. There are
witnesses enough up and down the country to verify, or correct, or
complete it; and letters moreover of my own in abundance, unless they
have been destroyed.
Moreover, I mean to be simply personal and historical: I am not
expounding Catholic doctrine, I am doing no more than explaining
myself, and my opinions and actions. I wish, as far as I am able, simply
to state facts, whether they are ultimately determined to be for me or
against me. Of course there will be room enough for contrariety of
judgment among my readers, as to the necessity, or appositeness, or
value, or good taste, or religious prudence, of the details which I shall

introduce. I may be accused of laying stress on little things, of being
beside the mark, of going into impertinent or ridiculous details, of
sounding my own praise, of giving scandal; but this is a case above all
others, in which I am bound to follow my own lights and to speak out
my own heart. It is not at all pleasant for me to be egotistical; nor to be
criticized for being so. It is not pleasant to reveal to high and low,
young and old, what has gone on within me from my early years. It is
not pleasant to be giving to every shallow or flippant disputant the
advantage over me of knowing my most private thoughts, I might even
say the intercourse between myself and my Maker. But I do not like to
be called to my face a liar and a knave; nor should I be doing my duty
to my faith or to my name, if I were to suffer it. I know I have done
nothing to deserve such an insult, and if I prove this, as I hope to do, I
must not care for such incidental annoyances as are involved in the
process.

CONTENTS.
CHAPTER I.
History of my Religious Opinions up to 1833
CHAPTER II.
History of my Religious Opinions from 1833 to 1839
CHAPTER III.
History of my Religious Opinions from 1839 to 1841
CHAPTER IV.
History of my Religious Opinions from 1841 to 1845
CHAPTER V.

Position of my Mind since 1845
NOTES.
Note A. On page 14. Liberalism
B. On page 23. Ecclesiastical Miracles
C. On page 153. Sermon on Wisdom and Innocence
D. On page 213. Series of Saints' Lives of 1843-4
E. On page 227. Anglican Church
F. On page 269. The Economy
G. On page 279. Lying and Equivocation
SUPPLEMENTAL MATTER.
1. Chronological List of Letters and Papers quoted in this Narrative
2. List of the Author's Works
3. Letter to him from his Diocesan
4. Addresses from bodies of Clergy and Laity
ADDITIONAL NOTES.
Note 1, on page 12. Correspondence with Archbishop Whately in 1834
2, on page 90. Extract of a Letter from the Rev. E. Smedley in 1828
3, on page 185. Extract of a Letter of the Rev. Francis Faber about 1849
4, on pages 194-196. The late Very Rev. Dr. Russell
5, on page 232. Extract of a Letter from the Rev. John Keble in 1844

6, on page 237. Extract from the Times concerning the Author's visit to
Oxford in 1878
7, on page 302. The oil of St. Walburga
8, on page 323. Boniface of Canterbury

MY RELIGIOUS OPINIONS.
CHAPTER I.
HISTORY OF MY RELIGIOUS OPINIONS TO THE YEAR 1833.
It may easily be conceived how great a trial it is to me to write the
following history of myself; but I must not shrink from the task. The
words, "Secretum meum mihi," keep ringing in my ears; but as men
draw towards their end, they care less for disclosures. Nor is it the least
part of my trial, to anticipate that, upon first reading what I have
written, my friends may consider much in it irrelevant to my purpose;
yet I cannot help thinking that, viewed as a whole, it will effect what I