An Ideal Husband | Page 7

Let us call things
by their proper names. It makes matters simpler. We have all the information about it at
the Foreign Office. In fact, I sent out a special Commission to inquire into the matter
privately, and they report that the works are hardly begun, and as for the money already
subscribed, no one seems to know what has become of it. The whole thing is a second
Panama, and with not a quarter of the chance of success that miserable affair ever had. I
hope you have not invested in it. I am sure you are far too clever to have done that.
MRS. CHEVELEY. I have invested very largely in it.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Who could have advised you to do such a foolish thing?
MRS. CHEVELEY. Your old friend - and mine.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Who?
MRS. CHEVELEY. Baron Arnheim.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Frowning.] Ah! yes. I remember hearing, at the time of his
death, that he had been mixed up in the whole affair.
MRS. CHEVELEY. It was his last romance. His last but one, to do him justice.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Rising.] But you have not seen my Corots yet. They are in
the music-room. Corots seem to go with music, don't they? May I show them to you?
MRS. CHEVELEY. [Shaking her head.] I am not in a mood to-night for silver twilights,
or rose-pink dawns. I want to talk business. [Motions to him with her fan to sit down
again beside her.]
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I fear I have no advice to give you, Mrs. Cheveley, except to

interest yourself in something less dangerous. The success of the Canal depends, of
course, on the attitude of England, and I am going to lay the report of the Commissioners
before the House to-morrow night.
MRS. CHEVELEY. That you must not do. In your own interests, Sir Robert, to say
nothing of mine, you must not do that.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Looking at her in wonder.] In my own interests? My dear
Mrs. Cheveley, what do you mean? [Sits down beside her.]
MRS. CHEVELEY. Sir Robert, I will be quite frank with you. I want you to withdraw
the report that you had intended to lay before the House, on the ground that you have
reasons to believe that the Commissioners have been prejudiced or misinformed, or
something. Then I want you to say a few words to the effect that the Government is going
to reconsider the question, and that you have reason to believe that the Canal, if
completed, will be of great international value. You know the sort of things ministers say
in cases of this kind. A few ordinary platitudes will do. In modern life nothing produces
such an effect as a good platitude. It makes the whole world kin. Will you do that for me?
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Mrs. Cheveley, you cannot be serious in making me such a
proposition!
MRS. CHEVELEY. I am quite serious.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Coldly.] Pray allow me to believe that you are not.
MRS. CHEVELEY. [Speaking with great deliberation and emphasis.] Ah! but I am. And
if you do what I ask you, I . . . will pay you very handsomely!
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Pay me!
MRS. CHEVELEY. Yes.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I am afraid I don't quite understand what you mean.
MRS. CHEVELEY. [Leaning back on the sofa and looking at him.] How very
disappointing! And I have come all the way from Vienna in order that you should
thoroughly understand me.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I fear I don't.
MRS. CHEVELEY. [In her most nonchalant manner.] My dear Sir Robert, you are a man
of the world, and you have your price, I suppose. Everybody has nowadays. The
drawback is that most people are so dreadfully expensive. I know I am. I hope you will
be more reasonable in your terms.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Rises indignantly.] If you will allow me, I will call your
carriage for you. You have lived so long abroad, Mrs. Cheveley, that you seem to be

unable to realise that you are talking to an English gentleman.
MRS. CHEVELEY. [Detains him by touching his arm with her fan, and keeping it there
while she is talking.] I realise that I am talking to a man who laid the foundation of his
fortune by selling to a Stock Exchange speculator a Cabinet secret.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Biting his lip.] What do you mean?
MRS. CHEVELEY. [Rising and facing him.] I mean that I know the real origin of your
wealth and your career, and I have got your letter, too.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. What letter?
MRS. CHEVELEY. [Contemptuously.] The letter you wrote to Baron Arnheim, when
you were Lord Radley's secretary, telling the Baron to buy Suez Canal shares