A Woman of No Importance | Page 6

of considerable
use to me in something I am foolish enough to think of doing.
LADY HUNSTANTON. He is an admirable young man. And his mother is one of my
dearest friends. He has just gone for a walk with our pretty American. She is very pretty,
is she not?
LADY CAROLINE. Far too pretty. These American girls carry off all the good matches.
Why can't they stay in their own country? They are always telling us it is the Paradise of
women.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is, Lady Caroline. That is why, like Eve, they are so
extremely anxious to get out of it.
LADY CAROLINE. Who are Miss Worsley's parents?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. American women are wonderfully clever in concealing their
parents.
LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear Lord Illingworth, what do you mean? Miss Worsley,
Caroline, is an orphan. Her father was a very wealthy millionaire or philanthropist, or
both, I believe, who entertained my son quite hospitably, when he visited Boston. I don't
know how he made his money, originally.
KELVIL. I fancy in American dry goods.
LADY HUNSTANTON. What are American dry goods?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. American novels.
LADY HUNSTANTON. How very singular! . . . Well, from whatever source her large
fortune came, I have a great esteem for Miss Worsley. She dresses exceedingly well. All
Americans do dress well. They get their clothes in Paris.
MRS. ALLONBY. They say, Lady Hunstanton, that when good Americans die they go to
Paris.
LADY HUNSTANTON. Indeed? And when bad Americans die, where do they go to?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Oh, they go to America.
KELVIL. I am afraid you don't appreciate America, Lord Illingworth. It is a very
remarkable country, especially considering its youth.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going
on now for three hundred years. To hear them talk one would imagine they were in their
first childhood. As far as civilisation goes they are in their second.
KELVIL. There is undoubtedly a great deal of corruption in American politics. I suppose
you allude to that?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. I wonder.
LADY HUNSTANTON. Politics are in a sad way everywhere, I am told. They certainly
are in England. Dear Mr. Cardew is ruining the country. I wonder Mrs. Cardew allows
him. I am sure, Lord Illingworth, you don't think that uneducated people should be
allowed to have votes?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. I think they are the only people who should.

KELVIL. Do you take no side then in modern politics, Lord Illingworth?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should never take sides in anything, Mr. Kelvil. Taking
sides is the beginning of sincerity, and earnestness follows shortly afterwards, and the
human being becomes a bore. However, the House of Commons really does very little
harm. You can't make people good by Act of Parliament, - that is something.
KELVIL. You cannot deny that the House of Commons has always shown great
sympathy with the sufferings of the poor.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. That is its special vice. That is the special vice of the age. One
should sympathise with the joy, the beauty, the colour of life. The less said about life's
sores the better, Mr. Kelvil.
KELVIL. Still our East End is a very important problem.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Quite so. It is the problem of slavery. And we are trying to
solve it by amusing the slaves.
LADY HUNSTANTON. Certainly, a great deal may be done by means of cheap
entertainments, as you say, Lord Illingworth. Dear Dr. Daubeny, our rector here, provides,
with the assistance of his curates, really admirable recreations for the poor during the
winter. And much good may be done by means of a magic lantern, or a missionary, or
some popular amusement of that kind.
LADY CAROLINE. I am not at all in favour of amusements for the poor, Jane. Blankets
and coals are sufficient. There is too much love of pleasure amongst the upper classes as
it is. Health is what we want in modern life. The tone is not healthy, not healthy at all.
KELVIL. You are quite right, Lady Caroline.
LADY CAROLINE. I believe I am usually right.
MRS. ALLONBY. Horrid word 'health.'
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Silliest word in our language, and one knows so well the
popular idea of health. The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the
unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
KELVIL. May I ask, Lord Illingworth, if you regard the House of Lords as a better
institution than the House of Commons?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. A much better institution, of course. We in the House of Lords
are never in touch with public opinion. That makes us a civilised body.
KELVIL. Are you serious in putting forward such a view?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Quite serious, Mr. Kelvil. [To MRS. ALLONBY.] Vulgar habit
that is people have nowadays