A Tale of a Tub | Page 5

to fix upon
particulars is a task too slippery for my slender abilities. If I should venture, in a windy
day, to affirm to your Highness that there is a large cloud near the horizon in the form of
a bear, another in the zenith with the head of an ass, a third to the westward with claws
like a dragon; and your Highness should in a few minutes think fit to examine the truth, it
is certain they would be all chanced in figure and position, new ones would arise, and all
we could agree upon would be, that clouds there were, but that I was grossly mistaken in
the zoography and topography of them.
But your governor, perhaps, may still insist, and put the question, What is then become of
those immense bales of paper which must needs have been employed in such numbers of
books? Can these also be wholly annihilated, and to of a sudden, as I pretend? What shall
I say in return of so invidious an objection? It ill befits the distance between your
Highness and me to send you for ocular conviction to a jakes or an oven, to the windows
of a bawdyhouse, or to a sordid lanthorn. Books, like men their authors, have no more
than one way of coming into the world, but there are ten thousand to go out of it and
return no more.
I profess to your Highness, in the integrity of my heart, that what I am going to say is
literally true this minute I am writing; what revolutions may happen before it shall be
ready for your perusal I can by no means warrant; however, I beg you to accept it as a
specimen of our learning, our politeness, and our wit. I do therefore affirm, upon the
word of a sincere man, that there is now actually in being a certain poet called John
Dryden, whose translation of Virgil was lately printed in large folio, well bound, and if
diligent search were made, for aught I know, is yet to be seen. There is another called
Nahum Tate, who is ready to make oath that he has caused many reams of verse to be
published, whereof both himself and his bookseller, if lawfully required, can still produce
authentic copies, and therefore wonders why the world is pleased to make such a secret of
it. There is a third, known by the name of Tom Durfey, a poet of a vast comprehension,
an universal genius, and most profound learning. There are also one Mr. Rymer and one
Mr. Dennis, most profound critics. There is a person styled Dr. Bentley, who has wrote
near a thousand pages of immense erudition, giving a full and true account of a certain

squabble of wonderful importance between himself and a bookseller; he is a writer of
infinite wit and humour, no man rallies with a better grace and in more sprightly turns.
Further, I avow to your Highness that with these eyes I have beheld the person of
William Wotton, B.D., who has written a good-sized volume against a friend of your
governor, from whom, alas! he must therefore look for little favour, in a most
gentlemanly style, adorned with utmost politeness and civility, replete with discoveries
equally valuable for their novelty and use, and embellished with traits of wit so poignant
and so apposite, that he is a worthy yoke-mate to his fore-mentioned friend.
Why should I go upon farther particulars, which might fill a volume with the just eulogies
of my contemporary brethren? I shall bequeath this piece of justice to a larger work,
wherein I intend to write a character of the present set of wits in our nation; their persons
I shall describe particularly and at length, their genius and understandings in miniature.
In the meantime, I do here make bold to present your Highness with a faithful abstract
drawn from the universal body of all arts and sciences, intended wholly for your service
and instruction. Nor do I doubt in the least but your Highness will peruse it as carefully
and make as considerable improvements as other young princes have already done by the
many volumes of late years written for a help to their studies.
That your Highness may advance in wisdom and virtue, as well as years, and at last
outshine all your royal ancestors, shall be the daily prayer of,
SIR, Your Highness's most devoted, &c. Decemb. 1697.

THE PREFACE.

The wits of the present age being so very numerous and penetrating, it seems the
grandees of Church and State begin to fall under horrible apprehensions lest these
gentlemen, during the intervals of a long peace, should find leisure to pick holes in the
weak sides of religion and